Liminal Thinking: Create the Change You Want by Changing the Way You Think

by Dave Gray

Over time, these beliefs and actions become deeply embedded habits and routines: a complex, dense, interconnected system of beliefs and behavior that is not easy to untangle and understand.

But to practice liminal thinking, it’s important to remember that “the way it is” is something that we have created together, and if we can create it, we can change it.

Beliefs create a shared world.

Beliefs are the psychological material we use to co-create a shared world, so we can live, work, and do things together. Changing a shared world requires changing its underlying beliefs.

The question is not what you look at, but what you see. —Henry David Thoreau

The same boundaries that make it possible for us to think also limit what we can conceive.

Beliefs create blind spots.

Beliefs Defend Themselves Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away. —Philip K. Dick

Argyris called this self-sealing logic, or, when applied to organizations, organizational defensive routines.3

This is self-sealing logic at work. New information from outside the bubble of belief is discounted, or distorted, because it conflicts with the version of reality that exists inside the bubble.

• First, is it internally coherent? Does it make sense, given what I already know, and can it be integrated with all of my other beliefs? In other words, does it make sense from within my bubble?

Second, is it externally valid? Can I test it? If I try it, does it work? This is an excellent way to test a new idea, but one big problem, which causes blind spots and reinforces

those self-sealing bubbles, is that people rarely test ideas for external validity when they do...

People rarely test ideas for external validity when they don’t have internal coherence.

If it doesn’t make sense from within the bubble, you’re going to think it’s a mistake, or a lie, or somebody got it wrong. You will tend to do whatever is necessary to protect the consistency and coherence of that bubble, because to you, that bubble is reality itself.

Liminal thinking requires a willingness to test and validate new ideas, even when they se...

Beliefs defend themselves.

Beliefs Are Tied to Identity

If you want to change the world, change yourself. —Tom Robbins

Think about it: When you are doing everything you can to fulfill an unmet need, and you are not having success or feeling any traction, you look for reasons. Something must be blocking you. What could it be? The conspiracy theory arises to fill that gap. It explains why you are not getting what you want. Conspiracy theories thrive within groups who feel that they don’t have control over their lives. A belief that is deeply tied to identity and feelings of self-worth is called a governing belief.

The deeper you go in exploring anyone’s belief system (including your own!), the closer you will get to their governing beliefs. The more foundational the belief, the more it will be unconsciously defended by self-sealing logic. This can be a scary place to go.

Your governing beliefs are part of the story webs that hold your relationships together. They connect you to your family, your friends, your co-workers, and your community. Challenging a governing belief can threaten the stability of those relationships and the shared world that keeps them functioning. It has the potential to bring your whole world crashing down.

In fact, governing beliefs are so important to group cohesion that their very existence depends on not talking about them.

Then sit down with a friend, someone you trust. Tell them what a governing belief is and ask them what they think yours are. Compare their observations with yours.

The Johari window is a framework developed by two psychologists named Joe and Harry (really!)1 as an aid for understanding the self. It’s a great tool for liminal thinking. You can imagine it as a building with four rooms.

So if you have a persistent problem that keeps popping up and seems intractable, start by assuming that you are not objective.

Think about it. If you care enough to try to solve a problem, then it matters to you. If it matters to you, it must affect you in some way. If it affects you strongly, that means that you are probably not outside the problem. You are inside of it. You’re a part of it, probably in ways you are not fully aware of.

Your biggest blind spot is yourself.

Good leaders supplement the information that’s coming to them through official channels with a lot of walking around and sense-making on the ground.

In order to learn anything truly new, you must empty your cup, so your existing knowledge, theories, assumptions, and preconceptions don’t get in the way. In Zen practice, this is called beginner’s mind.

Spend time with someone and try to listen to them as if you were hearing them for the first time. Empty your cup of all your theories and judgments about that person. Take your ego out of it as completely as you can. Listen as if that were your only goal: to listen. See what happens.

Take 20 minutes out of your day and stop doing anything other than paying attention. Pay attention to your environment, to your surroundings. Pay attention to what people are saying and doing. Notice as much as you can, with all of your senses. Pay attention to your feelings and reactions to what’s happening. What do you notice?

I’ve discovered that people will often say they agree when they don’t agree.

SCARF is an acronym that stands for Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, and Fairness.

Here’s a set of questions, based on the SCARF model, which I have found useful. Status: Does this person feel important, recognized, or needed by others? Certainty: Does this person feel confident that they know what’s ahead, and that they can predict the future with reasonable certainty?

Autonomy: Does this person feel like they have control of their life, their work, and their destiny? Relatedness: Does this person feel like they belong? Do they feel a sense of relatedness? Do they trust the group to look after them? Fairness: Does this person feel like they are being treated fairly? Do they feel that the “rules of the game” give them a fair chance?

Gossip and rumor, by the way, are mostly about stories, and stories tend to be expressions of beliefs. So when people gossip and share rumors, they are weaving a story web. One of the reasons unsafe places tend to feed rumor and gossip is that people are trying to fill that need for safety in a place where it doesn’t exist for them.

He was carving out safe space, space for people to be vulnerable, space where people could safely reveal their anxieties, frustrations, and emotional, unmet needs.

A scientist and philosopher named Karl Popper spent a lot of time thinking about this. Here’s the test he came up with, and I think it’s a good one: Does the theory make a prediction that might not come true? That is, can it be proven false?

The test of a good theory, he said, is not that it can’t be disproven, but that it can be disproven.

He called this trait falsifiability: the possibility that a theory could be proven false.

Sometimes people come into conflict not because they disagree, but because they fundamentally misunderstand each other. This can happen when people are viewing a situation from completely different points of view.

But far more often, saying another person is crazy is just a way to create internal coherence within your belief bubble.

Most people don’t test their theories about other people, because it’s a potential bubble-buster: if you give your self-sealing logic bubble a true test, then it just might collapse on you.

Then you can start asking questions and seeking valid information to help you understand what’s really going on. The way to seek understanding is to empty your cup, step up and give people your full attention, suspend your beliefs and judgments, and listen carefully.

If someone says something that seems odd or unbelievable, ask yourself, “What would I need to believe for that to be true?”

Find the falsifiable link.

In order to change the situation, they needed to change their belief that by asserting control they would help their son learn self-control. They needed to get outside the situation and look at how they were influencing it.

The results have been so dramatic that Woody is now in demand all over the world, where he teaches people this new way of working, which he has dubbed “mob programming.”