Liminal Thinking: Create the Change You Want by Changing the Way You Think

by Dave Gray

Liminal is a word that means boundary, doorway, portal. Not this or that, not the old way or the new way, but neither and both. A state of ambiguity or disorientation that precedes a breakthrough to a new kind of thinking. The space between. Liminal thinking is a kind of psychological agility that enables you to successfully navigate these times of transition. It involves the ability to read your own beliefs and needs; the ability to read others’ beliefs and needs; and the habit of continually evaluating, validating, and changing beliefs in order to better meet needs.”

We construct our beliefs, mostly unconsciously, and thereafter they hold us captive. They can help us focus and make us more effective, but sadly, they also can limit us: they blind us to possibility and subject us to fog, fear, and doubt.

liminal thinking, to steal liberally from each other.

Once you see the boundaries of your environment, they are no longer the boundaries of your environment.

The word liminal comes from the Latin root limen, which means threshold. A threshold is a border, a boundary, or an edge. It is a marginal, in-between space that defines two things, while at the same time being neither one nor the other. Most boundaries are convenient fictions. What divides the people who are “on” a team from those who are not? What separates one company department or division from another, or an employee from a customer? Boundaries give life structure, which makes us comfortable. But they can also be shifted, rethought, reframed, and reorganized.

Change happens at the boundaries of things: the boundary between the known and the unknown, the familiar and the different, between the old way and the new way, the past and the future.

Liminal thinking is the art of creating change by understanding, shaping, and reframing beliefs.

We all can grasp some fragments of reality, but none of us have a grasp on reality as a whole.

This is what the story of the blind men and the elephant is all about. We are all blind. Reality is like the elephant. We may be able to grasp pieces of the truth, but the whole truth about reality is unknowable.

Your beliefs inform your actions, and your actions are interpreted by others, and those interpretations become the basis for their beliefs, which inform their actions.

People rarely test ideas for external validity when they don’t have internal coherence. If it doesn’t make sense from within the bubble, you’re going to think it’s a mistake, or a lie, or somebody got it wrong. You will tend to do whatever is necessary to protect the consistency and coherence of that bubble, because to you, that bubble is reality itself.

Beginner’s mind means that you take on an attitude of openness, curiosity, and eagerness to learn, that you come to a new situation with a blank slate and an open mind, just as a beginner would, even if you are already an expert in a subject. This is much harder than it would seem. It requires you to suspend disbelief, at least temporarily—to forget things that you know like the back of your hand, to discount things that seem obvious, and to open your mind to ideas that seem strange, absurd, incoherent, and sometimes even impossible. This opening up of your mind, this willingness to feel dumb, to be vulnerable, to, in effect, rewire your brain in times of change, is the essence of liminal thinking.

Spend time with someone and try to listen to them as if you were hearing them for the first time. Empty your cup of all your theories and judgments about that person. Take your ego out of it as completely as you can. Listen as if that were your only goal: to listen. See what happens. • Take 20 minutes out of your day and stop doing anything other than paying attention. Pay attention to your environment, to your surroundings. Pay attention to what people are saying and doing. Notice as much as you can, with all of your senses. Pay attention to your feelings and reactions to what’s happening. What do you notice?

Status: Does this person feel important, recognized, or needed by others? Certainty: Does this person feel confident that they know what’s ahead, and that they can predict the future with reasonable certainty? Autonomy: Does this person feel like they have control of their life, their work, and their destiny? Relatedness: Does this person feel like they belong? Do they feel a sense of relatedness? Do they trust the group to look after them? Fairness: Does this person feel like they are being treated fairly? Do they feel that the “rules of the game” give them a fair chance?

Create safe space. If you don’t understand the underlying need, nothing else matters. People will not share their innermost needs unless they feel safe, respected, and accepted for who they are.

What will help is triangulation: the practice of developing multiple viewpoints and theories that you can compare, contrast, combine, and validate, to get a better understanding of what’s going on.

The way to seek understanding is to empty your cup, step up and give people your full attention, suspend your beliefs and judgments, and listen carefully.

• Think of a relationship in your life where you have a recurring doom loop pattern. Find a way to disrupt that routine, even if it’s random. See what happens. • Talk to someone you usually wouldn’t talk to. Go to a place you wouldn’t usually go. Disrupt yourself. Change it up. Do something different.

Many beliefs are embedded in habitual routines that run on autopilot. Disrupt the routine to create new possibilities.