And Every Morning the Way Home Gets Longer and Longer

by Fredrik Backman

“When a brain fades it takes a long time for the body to realize. The human body has a tremendous work ethic; it’s a

mathematical masterpiece, it’ll keep working until the very last light. Our brains are the most boundless equation, and once humanity solves it it’ll be more powerful than when we went to the moon. There’s no greater mystery in the universe than a human. Do you remember what I told you about failing?”

“The only time you’ve failed is if you don’t ...

“My memories are running away from me, my love, like when you try to separate oil and water. I’m constantly reading a book with a missing page, and it’s always the most important one.”

My heart is breaking

“When you looked straight at me when I was seventy I fell just as hard as I did when I was sixteen.”

“Yes, sometimes it feels like having fallen asleep on a sofa while it’s still light and then suddenly being woken up once it’s dark; it takes me a few seconds to remember where I am. I’m in space for a few moments, have to blink and rub my eyes and let my brain take a couple of extra steps to remember who I am and where I am. To get home. That’s the road that’s getting longer and longer every morning, the way home from space. I’m sailing on a big calm lake, Noahnoah.”

“Don’t worry. I’m going to give you a balloon, Grandpa. So you can have it in space.” “A balloon won’t stop me from disappearing, Noahnoah.” Grandpa sighs. “I know. But you’ll get it on your birthday. As a present.” “That sounds unnecessary.” Grandpa smiles. The boy nods. “If you keep hold of it you’ll know that right before you went into space someone gave you a balloon. And it’s the most unnecessary present anyone can get because there’s absolutely no need for a balloon in space. And that’ll make you laugh.”

“I miss the dawn. The way it stamped its feet at the end of the water, increasingly frustrated and impatient, until there was no more holding back the sun. The way it sparkled right across the lake, reached the stones by the jetty and came onto land, its warm hands in our garden, pouring gentle light into our house, letting us kick off the covers and start the day. I miss you then, darling sleepy you. Miss you there.”

“I . . . she . . . that’s your grandma. She was younger. You never got to meet her young, she has . . . she had the strongest feelings I ever experienced in a person, when she got angry she could empty a full bar of grown men, and when she was happy . . . there was no defending yourself against that, Noahnoah. She was a force of nature. Everything I am came from her, she was my Big Bang.”

“I’ll tell you about her when you forget, Grandpa. First thing every morning, first of all I’ll tell you about her.”

“Tell me that we danced, Noahnoah. Tell me that that’s what it’s like to fall in love, like you don’t have room for yourself in your own feet.”

“And I don’t think you need to be scared of forgetting me,” the boy says after a moment’s consideration. “No?” The corners of the boy’s mouth reach his earlobes. “No. Because if you forget me then you’ll just get the chance to get to know me again. And you’ll like that, because I’m actually a pretty cool person to get to know.”