FantasticLand

by Mike Bockoven

What if I had the entirety of human knowledge and experience at my fingertips and were suddenly plunged into the Dark Ages?

Because while many of them are still

children, for a few weeks they were monsters. Most likely, you would have been, too.

FantasticLand is set up in six distinct areas, the first being the Golden Road when you first enter the park. It’s full up with shops and info stations and topiaries and whatnot. Then there’s the Fairy Prairie, which is for children six and under, Fantastic Future World, the World’s Circus, the Hero Haven, and the Pirate Cove.

Basically, you had six little groups who felt like they were Israel, beset on all sides by those who wanted their extermination.

I know folks like that, who have no sense of the greater good, you know? Whose agenda is the only thing that matters.

Time was, before I started working there, that I could be a hard-ass bitch, and when I quit my crying, I realized I was an angry, hard-ass bitch and I was sitting on a shitload of guns.

it’s that a person gets stupid when they become people. They are easily convinced of things.

A bit of well-placed profanity never goes awry if you pick your spot with care. Stephen King novels taught me that.

We were going to appear fearsome; we were going to puff our plumage as big as possible and hope no one noticed we were nothing but some artists and stoners.

If history teaches us anything, it’s that armies and panic are a bad combo. A really bad combo.

If he showed up on a desert island with a sandwich and a rescue boat, most people would try to beat him to death with the sandwich.