Thousands (Dollar, #4)

by Pepper Winters

“Sometimes, we endure single events, and each event must be dealt with as such—either earning forgiveness or consequences. And other times, the things we survive aren’t single events at all but are joined in sequence that give an explanation to things that before had no answer.” She sighed before saying, “I won’t tell you what to do and I can’t tell you what will happen if you make either choice, but at some point, you need to trust that not everyone is out to hurt you.”

“You’re the most important person in the world to me. My mother and father might have given me life, but you returned it to me when I no longer wanted it. For that you have my undying loyalty—no matter if we’re together or apart.”

“You should never have left because now I know what it feels like to no longer have you, and I have no fucking idea how I’ll ever let you go.”

“As long as you want me, Elder Prest, I’m not going anywhere. I’m yours until you decide otherwise.”

“I haven’t believed in fairytales for a long time, Elder. I think you’re mistaking me for someone who hasn’t lived with evil. Who doesn’t know true darkness. And someone who isn’t afraid of a little greyness inside you when you’re trying to convince me it’s the end of the world.” She leaned toward me, baring white teeth. “Newsflash, it’s not.”

I wanted to grab each life morsel and indulge in every activity. I wanted to eat delicious food instead of leftovers in a dog bowl. I wanted to kiss every sunrise after being locked inside for years. And I wanted to be loved and to love after only knowing hate.

Love was my limitation and flaw combined.

now, I was obsessed with living. Of living to the maximum of my capacity. Of giving my heart wholeheartedly. Of falling in love chaotically. Of soaking up every wonderful moment of togetherness that I could.

“You’re the best thief.” I kissed her nose, her eyelids, her cheeks, and finally her ear where I whispered, “You’ve done what no one else ever could. “You’ve stolen my heart.”

Imagine I’m fucking you. That you’re not empty, and I’m not insane, and we can do something like fuck like rabbits wherever and whenever we damn well please.”

His nose, his cheeks, his stubble-covered chin—all of it screamed the same message as his eyes: tread in my stead and don’t deviate. Do not make my life any harder than it is even if it could be made great if I actually gave in and tried.

For a girl who’d begged for a life of no physical connection after rape, I’d changed my mind quickly where he was concerned. My adaptability surprised even me. My tenacity to keep forging ahead, leaving the darkness behind where it had no power over my future was my true strength.

I was still a little wild. Still a heathen at heart. Wilder than I should probably be and slowly relearning who I was. I might not be Tasmin and might be growing out of Pimlico, but I still didn’t know who I wanted to be. I had opinions. I wanted to voice them. I had dreams. I wanted to live them. I had desires. I wanted to enjoy them. I had fears. I wanted to slay them.

“All things worth having are terrifying.” He snorted under his breath, glancing at me with blue-black hair dancing over his forehead. “Then you must be the greatest thing on earth, Pimlico, because you fucking petrify me.”

“Under no circumstances do you let the should-dos dictate and steal your life. It’s too short, Min. It’s too easy to screw up. Be true to yourself and follow your heart. Only then can you look back and have no regrets.”

“I’m sorry for demanding your voice, little mouse.” I focused on her lips. They twitched at her family nickname—the same nickname I’d stolen just as I’d stolen her. The same name that complemented the one I’d shed so long ago in ways I couldn’t bear. “I’m sorry for pushing you before you were ready to be pushed. I’m sorry for expecting things you weren’t ready to give. I’m sorry for not finding you sooner. I’m sorry for demanding your thoughts. I’m sorry for believing I had access to your secrets. I’m sorry for not bringing you home from the start.” My head hung. “I’m sorry for so many things but most of all…I’m sorry for being like him.”

“Fuck me, Elder Prest. Be a man and fuck me.”

I rode him while he rode me, and I took back every last piece of my sexuality on the floor of Hawksridge Hall.

I couldn’t finish this without coming again. I needed to stare into his eyes and shatter. I needed him to see just how much he’d broken through my bounds and created a bold sexual lover who would never tire of him, never deny him, never ever leave him.

This wasn’t fucking Romeo and Juliet. I didn’t want to die for her, and I sure as hell didn’t want her to die for me.

Tucking wild chocolate hair behind her ear, I laughed quietly. “Sleep with me.” Her lashes fluttered, her gaze dropping to my chest seductively. “Sleep, sleep?” I laughed harder. “Sleep. You know? Where you let me hold you, and we both try to rest so we’re not zombies tomorrow?” “Ahh, sleep! Yes, I’ve heard of it.” She wrinkled her nose. “Then again, it is rather boring, don’t you find?”