Still Alice
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Read between August 6 - August 12, 2016
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eighty-two, eight...
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the Alzheimer’s Special Care Unit rate runs at two hundred eighty-five dollars a day.”
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About a hundred thousand dollars a year. Multiply that by five, ten, twenty years.
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She needed a better plan, one that didn’t include her playing beanbag toss with Evelyn in the Alzheimer’s Special Care
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Unit.
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But at some point, she would forget how to eat an ice-cream cone, how to tie her shoe, and how to walk.
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She wished she had cancer instead.
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felt ashamed for wishing this,
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With cancer, she’d have something that sh...
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Alzheimer’s disease was an entirely different kind of beast. There were no weapons that could slay it.
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Those with cancer could expect to be supported by their community. Alice expected to be cast out.
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she wanted to live to hold Anna’s baby and know it was her grandchild.
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to see Lydia act in something she was proud of. She wanted to see Tom fall in love.
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She wanted one more sabbatical year with John. She wanted to read every book she could befor...
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She laughed a little, surprised at what she’d just revealed to herself. Nowhere in that list was there anything about ...
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And when the burden of her disease exceeded the pleasure of that ice cream, she wanted to die.
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would she
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recogn...
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She was willing to go on living with some serious holes in short-term memory.
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She typed:
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Alice, answer the following questions:
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1. What month is it? 2. Where do you live? 3. Where is your office? 4. When is Anna’s birthday? 5. How many children do you have?   If you have trouble answering any of these, go to the file named “Butterfly” on yo...
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She set the alarm to vibrate and to appear as a recurring reminder every morning on her ap...
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“So Alice, I see you’re having some difficulty sleeping. Tell me what’s going on.”
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Only some of what she’d just said was true. She did worry. But she’d been sleeping like a baby.
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“I don’t want to go on an antidepressant. I’m not depressed.” The truth was, she might be a little depressed.
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of what I’m asking for, Tamara.”
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She had rehearsed additional dialogue but didn’t need to use it. Dr. Moyer got out her prescription pad and began to write.
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“I’ll start running with her.” John hated running.
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doubted that he could commit to
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she chose the bullet. “I want to do the trial.” “Ali, I think you should trust me here,” said John. “I can still draw my own conclusions, John. I want to do the trial.” “Okay, I’ll get you the forms to sign.”
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Here in Chatham, she had no schedule.
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She often didn’t know the time of day or what day it was, for that matter.
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she didn’t know which meal she was about to be presented with.
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She left a note for John
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Walk to beach. Love, A
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She inhaled the clean night air.
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Virginia Woolf
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It would be so easy. She could swim straight out toward Nantucket until she was too tired to continue.
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She looked back toward the beach,
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A figure approached.
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She knew it was John before she could identify any of his features by the boun...
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Without a word between them, he undressed and joined her in her ocean.
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Reading was fast becoming a heartbreaking chore.
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“There you are. What are you doing, aren’t we going for a run?” John asked.
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pressure in her bladder
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She hastened back down the hall and opened the door to the bathroom.
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it wasn’t the b...
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“Please God, please God, please God.”
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How can I be lost in my own home?
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