Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

by Chris Voss

Effective negotiation is applied people smarts, a psychological edge in every domain of life: how to size someone up, how to influence their sizing up of you, and how to use that knowledge to get what you want.

It seems like . . . It sounds like . . . It looks like . . . Notice we said “It sounds like . . .” and not “I’m hearing that . . .” That’s because the word “I” gets people’s guard up. When you say “I,” it says you’re more interested in yourself than the other person, and it makes you take personal responsibility for the words that follow—and the offense they might cause.

Today, I coach my students to learn to see “No” for what it is. Rather than harming them or those they negotiate with, “No” protects and benefits all parties in an exchange. “No” creates safety, security, and the feeling of control. It’s a requirement to implementable success.

To get real leverage, you have to persuade them that they have something concrete to lose if the deal falls through.

And that’s the difference between “You’re screwing me out of money, and it has to stop” and “How am I supposed to do that?”

ZOPA—or Zone of Possible Agreement—which