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This female is mine, now. I’ve taken her from the bad ones. She belongs to me, and I’ll kill anything that tries to take her.
Georgie wasn’t lying when she said that resonating was like Spanish Fly on crack.
She is fragile, my Har-loh. I must make sure I take good care of her. The thrumming in my chest demands it.
And he can’t stop staring at me, as if I’m some magical dick-sucking unicorn come to life.
I am filled with shame, and I press her small face to mine. I am not caring for her properly.
Great, now I’m passing up oral sex in exchange for brushing a man’s hair? I must be tired. Or insane. Something.
Her small face is the last thing I see before I go to sleep, and the first thing I search for when I awaken.
I’m just…really scared at the thought of being a mother. A wilderness mom, no less, with no one around me but Rukh. Yeah, that’s the part that scares me.
Leezh says, patting my arm. “You’re irritated with me now, but I’m just being a good sister-in-law. Now come on. I made some stew and you and Raahosh can sit by the fire and glare stoically at each other.”
He is bald, and I'm torn between thinking he is the ugliest, weakest creature I have ever seen...and the most wonderful.
A fierce surge of protectiveness wells inside me, and I wrap the baby tightly in the furs again and hold him to my chest. I would do anything for him. Anything. I'm choked with emotion. Helplessness, joy, fear, and utter happiness war inside me. Is this how my father felt at my birth? Like he would destroy anything that came between him and his child?
“Rukh is strong and fast. We need him,” Raahosh says. His gaze fixes on Liz. “You will stay with her.” “You’re sidelining the vaginas?” Liz bellows. “The fuck, babe?”
The mother noses it, trying to get it to move, and when it collapses to its knees, she bellows and then turns away from it, abandoning her child in favor of self-preservation. I see this from my vantage point next to Raahosh, and I’m suddenly frozen. My memories turn back to my father. This is what he chose. He sacrificed his own child - his firstborn son, Raahosh - when he was too injured.
My heart feels as if it shatters in my breast. I think of Raahosh and his scarred face and come to a devastating realization. My father was so broken that if I had been wounded like the sa-kohtsk kit before us, I suddenly have no doubt in my mind that my father would have left me behind like the mother beast does now. He would have abandoned me like he did Raahosh, to the ones he deemed as ‘bad’. Or worse, left me in the snow one day and turned his back on me.
The man I have imagined as my father for so long in my bits of memories? The man I have revered? It is not the man I should be looking to for answers. It should be the man at my side, my brother. My brother who has tirelessly hunted at my side and gave me company even when I did not want it. Who brings his pregnant mate and has her sit with mine so she will not be lonely. Who risks his own family to help me protect mine. Who opened his home to me without question, and has never expected thanks.
“Oh my God,” Liz cries out. “Can you two make out? For me? That would be so hot.”
I reluctantly hand my son back to her and then give her a kiss. “He will not remember the pain,” I tell her, though it’s half to convince myself. “I know.” She gives me a wry smile. “Remind me to tell you about something humans call ‘sir-come-see-shun’ sometime.” Liz cackles behind her.
“Har-loh, I will wait forever for you if I must. Time does not matter as long as we are together.”
“We will stay. Our son will need friends. You will need the healer. And I,” he says, grazing his thumb over my mouth. “Will always need you. A male cannot exist apart from his heart.”
