Lady You're Not a Man: The Adventures of a Woman at Work

by Apurva Purohit

You need to begin by acknowledging the problems that come with being a working mom, the guilt that is a constant companion in whatever you do, the balance you try to find between a cantankerous and ill child and an important presentation, and the fact that, however much you try, you just can’t be superwoman. And then life becomes easier.

Fortunately, with more women around, things have changed and slowly a new breed of women managers is emerging, people who are as comfortable with being feminine (without overdoing it) as they are with being efficient taskmasters. They celebrate the softer touch they are able to bring to managing people, the consensus-building approach they have in decision-making and the emotional connect they can forge with their colleagues.

CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY Be confident in your femininity. Don’t apologize for being a woman, and accept yourself as you are. Mood swings and crying jags once in a while are fine. (But don’t do it too often, please!)

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The question to ask, then, is: which guilt are you more comfortable with? Because being guilt-free is a no-option for a woman.

Lesson number two in the path to acceptance, therefore, is to not fight against the guilt monster but accept it as part and parcel of your life, a beast that will constantly follow you wherever you go and whatever you do.

CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY You certainly have a right to choose to be either a working mom or a stay-at-home mom, depending on your particular circumstances and situation. Unfortunately, feeling or not feeling guilty is not a choice you can make, since guilt comes along as part of the territory of being a woman. The only choice you can make is to decide which guilt you want to live with. The guilt of compromising on always being around for your kids and family, or the guilt of wasting that potential and that education?

Life is indeed unfair, but it is pretty democratic in its unfairness. In some way or another, life will be unfair to everyone, whatever their colour, caste, creed or gender. So, let’s accept this fundamental reality and move on.

CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY Many of us waste a lot of time bemoaning the unfairness of life, as if it has dealt a particularly bad hand only to us. The fact is that everyone has a few dud cards somewhere in their deck. While it may seem that life has been unjust largely to women and men have everything going their way, the reality is not so. Men too have numerous challenges they face—the key one being that they can’t easily escape the societally designated role of being the family’s chief wage earner.

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No wonder, then, that women are so much more efficient and manage to get several more things done, whether at work or at home, than their male counterparts—and, undoubtedly, make better managers! They can deal with home, work, multiple projects and several crises adeptly and efficiently, all at the same time. And because women can do more in less time, the fallout is that the distribution of labour is invariably skewed towards women.

CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY Multitasking is a unique skill, which mostly women have, and we should use it to the fullest capacity to move ahead in the race. Therefore, never walk away from accepting an additional project at work, and definitely take up the home-improvement tasks you have been planning alongside—it will only hone this skill better!

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Dishwashers, laundry services, readymade papads, pickles and masalas, cooks, chauffeurs and housecleaning services have obviously been designed to ease our burdens—and if we continue to forsake them in favour of carrying on our march to martyrdom, nobody will admire us. Instead, people will laugh at our foolishness in suffering when there is little reason to.

CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY In today’s day and age, unnecessary suffering is no longer seen as noble; indeed, it is deemed downright impractical and foolish. There are several better and more fun parts we can choose to play now: the trendy mom, the sultry aunty, the chic diva, the suave HOD and the gracious boss, and so on. Check out the options, pick one that suits you and quit the suffering!

It is thus crystal-clear that traditional stereotypes are getting redefined and we cannot slot men and women into airtight boxes any longer. In fact, if you look closely, they are both actually learning from each other and picking up ‘best practices’, as we say in the management world, from one another.

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CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY Traditional stereotypes, both masculine and feminine, are slowly blurring and disappearing. In the dance of evolution, both sexes are borrowing characteristics from each other to help them survive in the changing world.

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CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY There comes a time in most women’s lives when they need to take a break from their careers, short or long, to go through the process of childbearing. We need to take it in our stride and not resent our partners for not being able to play an equal role in the process.

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CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY As women grow older, their self-confidence and willingness to assert themselves increase. With fewer family responsibilities, they can now concentrate on themselves and look for what they truly want out of life. It is the best time for women to maximize their potential and do what they couldn’t do when they were younger—whether it is learning pottery or starting a new business.

CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY We all have unique personalities of our own; why can’t we showcase that in the way we appear rather than follow the latest trends? Style comes from the substance which is already within each one of us. Being comfortable in your own skin is the best sign of confidence and self-esteem.

CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY ‘Women are nasty to other women’ is a myth we need to debunk immediately. We need to understand that the enemy could be our internal demons and learn to deal with them first.

THE TEN LESSONS OF ACCEPTANCE

CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY Everyone faces obstacles in life. People who succeed are those who approach these problems with a positive mindset. Most wars are lost in our minds much before we have stepped out on the battlefield.

In a choice between skill and great attitude, attitude always wins, hands down.

Bosses like people who are cheerleaders, who are willing to try, who want to find solutions. A good way to be knocked off a team is to be the one...

CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY The single most important driver of success in life is perseverance. And women who have succeeded have done so only because they simply didn’t give up, just like the ant who keeps trying again and again to take that piece of grain up the mound. Running away from hard work is running away from success; do so at your own peril.

Pregnancy is not an illness, it’s a process of life. Don’t use it as an excuse to shirk your responsibilities at work.

Your boss is not your mother; get all the mollycoddling you want at home. Be a true professional and do...

Priorities need to change at different stages of our life if we want to grow and evolve.’

CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY Being able to prioritize what is important and what is not is a key skill for success. You don’t need to be perfect; it is better to be outstandingly great at the specific areas you have chosen to focus on.

Pick up the things you really enjoy and excel in those. Delegate the rest.

Accepting your limitations is character-building. Once in a while, compliment yourself for not being good at something—it helps you face reality and wi...

CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY To succeed, women need to create support systems around themselves at home and at work, by asking for help. Especially in the upbringing of children, it is important to have as much family help as possible—it really is true that ‘It takes a village to bring up a child’. The reason why women hesitate to ask for help is that they fear the loss of control it will entail over some important portion of their life.

CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY It is important to work with your organization and create a win-win for both you and them by ensuring that they have women-supportive policies in place. It is equally critical that we don’t take undue advantage of the privileges awarded to us and deliver value back to our organization.

CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY A supportive spouse is a fundamental necessity if women want to make a success of their professional and personal lives. Unfortunately, readymade helpful husbands are in short supply, so they need to be trained according to our requirements.

Husband-training is a slow and fine art which needs to be perfected over decades of living together. Don’t assume you will get there in the first few years of married life.

CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY Certain situations expect you to take charge and certain situations require you to give up control. Be willing to adapt and change according to the need.

You don’t need to always be the boss at home too. Give up the responsibility of being in charge once in a while and enjoy playing the helpless woman.

CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY It is important to think of the family as a team, a composite whole rather than a collection of individual, discrete parts. Any sports manager will tell you that no team succeeds if each player thinks only of himself. When there comes a time in your life where a decision has to be made which requires compromise, go for the one which maximizes the family’s interest.

Do make the effort to build a professional network, interact with more women in your domain and attend more industry events. If nothing else, at least start your very own version of a corporate kitty party. It can be of tremendous help, I assure you.

CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY A lack of networking at the professional level is being considered as one of the critical factors by women themselves in their failure to move ahead in the corporate race. Building relationships beyond work with employees, colleagues and clients is a very important part of success.

why don’t you start your own mentoring or networking forum geared specifically towards women?

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CORPORATE MANTRA OF THE DAY Only you have control over your destiny. You can choose which role you want to play in your story. The difference between women who are successful and happy and those who are not is not in their special circumstances but in their ability to overcome every circumstance and make it special.