STEP 4: Share your subjective reality and what you needed. Now let your partner know why you think you had those feelings at the time. In talking about your reality, be like a reporter. Avoid attack, blame, or criticism. Don’t in any way attribute intentions or motivations to your partner. Only discuss yourself. Use “I statements” (“I heard you say …”) not “You statements” (“You said …”). Also, tell your partner what you think you might have needed at the time of the incident. For example, if in Step 1 you said you felt that your opinions didn’t matter, perhaps, in retrospect, what you needed
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