moment and search for a bid underneath your partner’s harsh words. Then, focus on the bid, not the delivery. If you find it difficult not to react defensively, first take five really deep breaths, counting slowly from one to six as you inhale and then slowly from seven to fifteen as you exhale. Then say to your partner, “I want to respond to you positively, so can you please tell me what you need right now from me? I really want to know.”
