Ice Planet Barbarians (Ice Planet Barbarians, #1)

by Ruby Dixon

“Every girl they pick up has the same story. Except for Megan. She was pregnant. Two months along, she said, and they vacuumed her out like it was no big deal.”

Yes pro choice slay!!!

They have weird little bug eyes with an opaque eyelid over them and needle-like teeth.

I am very concerned about whos gonna be the love interest

She takes one look around her, panics, and begins to scream.

OH NO

As I do so, I realize there’s a face on the other side of the water staring back at me. A face with a huge mouth, jagged teeth, and bulging fish eyes. And the stalk I’m holding? Appears to be attached to its nose.

Oh jesus mary and joseph

stop moving and stare as a white, furry figure approaches.

Every time a creature is introduced im concerned its gonna be the love interest

And then I am shocked anew as my khui resonates inside me. My inward being, which has lain dormant for so long, which recognizes no mate amongst my people? It vibrates and sings at the sight of this new creature. I stare at it.

English please?????

There is no khui inside her, or if there is, it is dead.

WHAT IS KHUI

She is making me resonate. She is mine.

AAAYYYEEE

Her flesh is almost completely hairless, save for the long, braided locks on her crown and a small tuft between her thighs that’s revealed as I pull her leathers from her. I snort with amusement at that small tuft.

No way he is talking about her pubes

Adorable. Adorable and nonsensical.

WHAT DO U MEAN NONSENSICAL

A groan escapes me as my cock grows hard, the ridges on it swelling. I bury my face between her legs so I can taste all of her.

WHAT ON EARTH

My hands go to push his head back down to where I want it. Except I encounter horns.

Excuse me

It wasn’t a monster come to eat me. It was this monster. Who’s come to eat me out.

Really? Truly? Honestly?

Because he doesn’t want to eat me. He just . . . wants to lick my pussy.

Nbd!

I try to clamp my legs shut again and rise. “Now is not the time for an anatomy lesson, buddy.”

LMAO

In response, he says something else.

Would u care to elaborate or

My mate, the resonance of my khui, my new reason for existing, has just planted her tiny, strange foot in my chest and kicked. It’s almost as if she does not want to mate.

Oh my fucking god i feel like im being PRANKED

How can she possibly think I would harm her? But she is cringing back even now, as if expecting a blow to fall. Rage fills me, because this is not a normal response.

It is inevitable that im gonna love this guy

And then there’s that strange nipple between her legs.

There are metlaks, but they are covered in hair and no smarter than rocks.

Sounds like americans amiright

But no. She is my mate. My other half. I’ll do whatever is necessary to keep her.

Damn it ok im in

I watch as he undresses, wary. “I hope you didn’t mistake my stomach growling for nookie-time.”

Im running out of phrases to show my utter shock

Vektal picks up his fur cape and drapes it over my shoulders, talking to me in that weird rumbly language.

What a darling thing

He’s got a tail.

If anything sexual happens with the tail i am OUT

The boots on his feet look like a soft leather but are shaped extremely wide at the toes, so I can only wonder what’s going on in there.

Hooves. Im sure of it

I mean, if I have my choice between the old cargo bay, alone in the snow, or snuggled next to the pussy-loving alien, I’m going to go with option number three.

What a sentence

He pats one of the arms around his neck, says something soothing, and then he starts racing down the side of the mountain.

hold on tight spider monkey

Great, now I’ve got Stockholm syndrome.

At lease shes aware

So, food first, then skins so I may dress my soft, fragile Shorshie. I’ll protect her with my life if I must.

Awwwww i loooove hiiim

My arms flex as I let the stone fly, and I’m pleased to see that the rodent flops to the ground, staggered.

Damn bitch!!!

“It’s dead, sweet resonance. Look, I have saved you the choicest parts.”

So fucking thoughtful

She nearly falls off the rock in her haste to move backward. “Ohmigodfckno!” A moment later, she points at the dripping delicacy held between my fingers. “Fckincookthtshit!”

I am obsessed with how he hears her

“You want to burn the food? Do you not understand what this is?” I toss the heart into my mouth and chew to show her. Flavorful blood bursts across my tongue, hot and sweet.

Nasty ass

“I am sorry, my Shorshie. I will not be so careless again.”

:,)

“Are you afraid to get into the stream alone, my resonance?” I tease. “Shall I stand upstream so the fang-fish devour my carcass before yours?”

GOD

but I’m more interested in bathing than playing hide the sausage.

HIDE THE SAUSAGE

“Georgie sa-akh Vektal.”

Georgie suck vektal????

All right then, time to pull out the big guns. “Vektal,” I murmur. “Do you know how to kiss?”

Oh sweet mother mary

Too late. I don’t see the shadowed snow before I realize that when I step too close to the cliff wall, my foot doesn’t connect with anything. The ground beneath my feet disappears, and I scream as I slide down an icy crevasse for forever.

Good going you ignorant slut

It’s enough light to let me see the two dozen eyes staring back at me. I’m not alone. And I’m in deep, deep shit.

Mother FUCKER

That she’s safe with me and I won’t let any harm come to her if she’ll just trust me. That she is my light and my reason for being now, and that we shall create a hearth and family together.

Do i have stockholm syndrome???

“Nowyurmadatmeeh,” she says and sniffs loudly again. Then, she bursts into tears.

Me

The thought of being with her all day feels like a gift.

Hey siri directions to this planet

I’m going to burst across her hand if she reaches any lower, so I grab her hand before she can keep exploring.

I dont even wanna know what color his cum is

Vektal thrusts his hands into my tangled hair and holds me against him. “Kiss,” he demands again. It’s clear he wants more.

Huehuehuehuehue

That knob? The bony ridge I had no idea what it was for? I’ve still got no freaking clue, but I do notice that as he sinks into me, it pushes through my labia and brushes against my clit.

How convenient

From now until my spirit departs this plane, there shall be none for me but her.

This is too much

This is why she’s so frantic to get up the mountain. There are others like her. Or . . . there were.

Oh no

I don’t think he’s going to greet the others with oral sex, but you never know.

You really dont

But first, I will spend time with my mate. My khui demands it.

DO NOT FUCK IN FRONT OF EVERYONE