Better Than Before: How to Make and Break Habits - and Build a Happier Life from the no.1 New York Times Bestselling Queen of Self-Help

by Gretchen Rubin

“How does a person respond to an expectation?” When we try to form a new habit, we set an expectation for ourselves.

Obligers respond readily to outer expectations but struggle to meet inner expectations (my friend on the track team).

thats me

Obligers meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet inner expectations.

that is me and i have to change

Because Obligers resist inner expectations, it’s difficult for them to self-motivate—to

Obligers depend on external accountability,

Obligers susceptible to burnout, because they have trouble telling people “no.”

Rebels place a high value on authenticity and self-determination, and bring an unshackled spirit to what they do. A

adopt this habit

They don’t care if “people are counting on you,” “you said you’d do it,” “your parents will be upset,” “it’s against the rules,” “this is the deadline,” or “it’s rude.”

it’s “people pleaser” Obligers themselves who bear the brunt of the downsides of that Tendency.

Obligers, in fact, may reach a point of Obliger rebellion, a striking pattern in which they abruptly refuse to meet an expectation.

“Personal Commandments,” which are the overarching principles by which I want to live my life.

do in journal

time difference, which makes it hard to talk by phone. But one day I was determined to track her down, because I knew she’d have

I’d considered myself overweight—not so overweight that it affected my health, but enough that it affected my self-image—and