The Book of Speculation

by Erika Swyler

Having all the time in the world makes getting things done impossible.

I am finding this true now that I am retiring.

“Why the hell don’t people understand there are some things you don’t talk about? You keep it to yourself so you hurt fewer people. You’re supposed to pay with guilt. Guilt is penance,”

We carry our families like anchors, rooting us in storms, making sure we never drift from where and who we are. We carry our families within us the way we carry our breath underwater, keeping us afloat, keeping us alive.

Because there are things you do for people you’ve known your whole life. You let them save you, you put them in your books, and you let each other begin again, clean.