Talking about problems can feel as if you’re in a life-threatening situation — that your only option is to blame, hide or shade the truth, or apologize and agree in order to please, appease, or control someone else’s feelings. This is defensive manipulation because it’s motivated by fear to avoid conflict. Codependents both manipulate and are easily manipulated with criticism and guilt trips. Manipulating focuses on someone else whose reaction becomes the measure of your self-esteem.
