Much Ado About Nothing

by William Shakespeare

A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings home full numbers.

LEON. A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings home full numbers.

he hath borne himself beyond the promise of his age; doing, in the figure of a lamb, the feats of a lion:

MESS. Much deserved on his part, and equally remembered by Don Pedro: he hath borne himself beyond the promise of his age; doing, in the figure of a lamb, the feats of a lion: he hath indeed better bettered expectation than you must expect of me to tell you how.

How much better is it to weep at joy than to joy at weeping!

LEON. A kind overflow of kindness: there are no faces truer than those that are so washed. How much better is it to weep at joy than to joy at weeping!

I pray you, how many hath he killed and eaten in these wars? But how many hath he killed? for, indeed, I promised to eat all of his killing.

There is a kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick and her:

LEON. You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is a kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick and her: they never meet but there’s a skirmish of wit between them.

he wears his faith but as the fashion of his hat; it ever changes with the next block.

BEAT. Very easily possible: he wears his faith but as the fashion of his hat; it ever changes with the next block

God help the noble Claudio! if he have caught the Benedick, it will cost him a thousand pound ere a’ be cured.

BEAT. God help the noble Claudio! if he have caught the Benedick, it will cost him a thousand pound ere a’ be cured.

when you depart from me, sorrow abides, and happiness takes his leave.

I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior Benedick: nobody marks you.

BEAT. I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior Benedick: nobody marks you.

What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?

BENE. What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living? BEAT. Is it possible disdain should die while she hath such meet food to feed it, as Signior Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to disdain, if you come in her presence.

Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, only you excepted: and I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart; for, truly, I love none.

BENE. Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, only you excepted: and I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart; for, truly, I love none.

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.

BEAT. A dear happiness to women: they would else have been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that: I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.

I would my horse had the speed of your tongue,

BENE. Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher. BEAT. A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours. BENE. I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a continuer. But keep your way, i’ God’s name; I have done. BEAT. You always end with a jade’s trick: I know you of old.

Do you question me, as an honest man should do, for my simple true judgement? or would you have me speak after my custom, as being a professed tyrant to their sex?

I will live a bachelor.

BENE. That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she brought me up, I likewise give her most humble thanks. But that I will have a recheat winded in my forehead or hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick, all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do them the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the right to trust none. And the fine is, for the which I may go the finer, I will live a bachelor.

‘In time the savage bull doth bear the yoke.’

D. PEDRO. Well, as time shall try: ‘In time the savage bull doth bear the yoke.’ BENE. The savage bull may, but if ever the sensible Benedick bear it, pluck off the bull's horns and set them in my forehead, and let me be vildly painted; and in such great letters as they writes, 'Here is good horse for hire', let them signify under my sign, 'Here you may see Benedick the married man.”

What need the bridge much broader than the flood? The fairest grant is the necessity.

D. PEDRO. What need the bridge much broader than the flood? The fairest grant is the necessity.

There is no measure in the occasion that breeds; therefore the sadness is without limit.

D. JOHN There is no measure in the occasion that breeds; therefore the sadness is without limit.

let me be that I am, and seek not to alter me.

D. JOHN I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in his grace; and it better fits my blood to be disdained of all than to fashion a carriage to rob love from any: in this, though I cannot be said to be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied but I am a plain-dealing villain. I am trusted with a muzzle and enfranchised with a clog; therefore I have decreed not to sing in my cage. If I had my mouth, I would bite; if I had my liberty, I would do my liking: in the meantime, let me be that I am, and seek not to alter me.

‘God sends a curst cow short horns;’ but to a cow too curst he sends none.

Just, if he send me no husband; for the which blessing I am at him upon my knees every morning and evening.

He that hath a beard is more than a youth; and he that hath no beard is less than a man: and he that is more than a youth is not for me; and he that is less than a man, I am not for him:

BEAT. What should I do with him? dress him in my apparel, and make him my waiting-gentlewoman? He that hath a beard is more than a youth; and he that hath no beard is less than a man: and he that is more than a youth is not for me; and he that is less than a man, I am not for him: therefore I will even take sixpence in earnest of the bear-ward, and lead his apes into hell.

Well, then, go you into hell?

LEON. Well, then, go you into hell? BEAT. No, but to the gate; and there will the devil meet me, like an old cuckold, with horns on his head, and say ‘Get you to heaven, Beatrice, get you to heaven; here’s no place for you maids:’ so deliver I up my apes, and away to Saint Peter for the heavens; he shows me where the bachelors sit, and there live we as merry as the day is long.

Yes, faith; it is my cousin’s duty to make courtesy, and say, ‘Father, as it please you.’ But yet for all that, cousin, let him be a handsome fellow, or else make another courtesy, and say, ‘Father, as it please me.’

BEAT. Yes, faith; it is my cousin’s duty to make courtesy, and say, ‘Father, as it please you.’ But yet for all that, cousin, let him be a handsome fellow, or else make another courtesy, and say, ‘Father, as it please me.’

No, uncle, I’ll none: Adam’s sons are my brethren; and, truly, I hold it a sin to match in my kindred.

LEON. Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband. BEAT. Not till God make men of some other metal than earth. Would it not grieve a woman to be overmastered with a piece of valiant dust? to make an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl? No, uncle, I’ll none: Adam’s sons are my brethren; and, truly, I hold it a sin to match in my kindred.

wooing, wedding, and repenting, is as a Scotch jig, a measure, and a cinque pace:21 the first suit is hot and hasty, like a Scotch jig, and full as fantastical; the wedding, mannerly-modest, as a measure, full of state and ancientry; and then comes repentance, and, with his bad legs, falls into the cinque pace faster and faster, till he sink into his grave.

BEAT. The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you be not wooed in good time: if the prince be too important, tell him there is measure in every thing, and so dance out the answer. For, hear me, Hero: wooing, wedding, and repenting, is as a Scotch jig, a measure, and a cinque pace: 21 the first suit is hot and hasty, like a Scotch jig, and full as fantastical; the wedding, mannerly-modest, as a measure, full of state and ancientry; and then comes repentance, and, with his bad legs, falls into the cinque pace faster and faster, till he sink into his grave.

So you walk softly, and look sweetly, and say nothing, I am yours for the walk; and especially when I walk away.

HERO. So you walk softly, and look sweetly, and say nothing, I am yours for the walk; and especially when I walk away.

Speak low, if you speak love.

Why, he is the prince’s jester: a very dull fool; only his gift is in devising impossible slanders: none but libertines delight in him; and the commendation is not in his wit, but in his villany; for he both pleases men and angers them, and then they laugh at him and beat him.

BEAT. Why, he is the prince’s jester: a very dull fool; only his gift is in devising impossible slanders: none but libertines delight in him; and the commendation is not in his wit, but in his villany; for he both pleases men and angers them, and then they laugh at him and beat him. I am sure he is in the fleet: I would he had boarded me.

he swore he would marry her to-night.

Friendship is constant in all other things Save in the office and affairs of love:

CLAUD. Thus answer I in name of Benedick, But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio. ’Tis certain so; the prince wooes for himself. Friendship is constant in all other things Save in the office and affairs of love: Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues; Let every eye negotiate for itself, And trust no agent; for beauty is a witch, Against whose charms faith melteth into blood. This is an accident of hourly proof, Which I mistrusted not. Farewell, therefore, Hero!

Ho! now you strike like the blind man; ’twas the boy that stole your meat, and you’ll beat the post.

BENE. Ho! now you strike like the blind man; t'was the boy that stole your meat, and you'll beat the post.

But, that my Lady Beatrice should know me, and not know me! The prince’s fool! Ha? It may be I go under that title because I am merry.

BENE. Alas, poor hurt fowl! now will he creep into sedges. But, that my Lady Beatrice should know me, and not know me! The prince’s fool! Ha? It may be I go under that title because I am merry. Yea, but so I am apt to do myself wrong; I am not so reputed: it is the base, though bitter, disposition of Beatrice that puts the world into her person, and so gives me out. Well, I’ll be revenged as I may.

O, she misused me past the endurance of a block!

if her breath were as terrible as her terminations,26 there were no living near her; she would infect to the north star.

Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile; and I gave him use for it, a double heart for his single one: marry, once before he won it of me with false dice,

D. PEDRO. Come, lady, come; you have lost the heart of Signior Benedick. BEAT. Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile; and I gave him use for it, a double heart for his single one: marry, once before he won it of me with false dice, therefore your Grace may well say I have lost it.

You have put him down, lady, you have put him down.

So I would not he should do me, my lord, lest I should prove ...

Silence is the perfectest herald of joy: I were but little happy, if I could say how much.

CLAUD. Silence is the perfectest herald of joy: I were but little happy, if I could say how much. Lady, as you are mine, I am yours: I give away myself for you, and dote upon the exchange.

I was born to speak all mirth and no matter.

BEAT. . . . I was born to speak all mirth and no matter.

there was a star danced, and under that was I born.

BEAT. No, sure, my lord, my mother cried, but then there was a star danced, and under that was I born. Cousins, God give you joy!

There’s little of the melancholy element in her, my lord: she is never sad but when she sleeps; and not ever sad then; for I have heard my daughter say, she hath often dreamed of unhappiness, and waked herself with laughing.

LEON. There’s little of the melancholy element in her, my lord: she is never sad but when she sleeps; and not ever sad then; for I have heard my daughter say, she hath often dreamed of unhappiness, and waked herself with laughing.

time goes on crutches till love have all his rites.

I have known when there was no music with him but the drum and the fife; and now had he rather hear the tabor and the pipe:

BENE. . . . do much wonder that one man, seeing how much another man is a fool when he dedicates his behaviors to love, will, after he hath laughed at such shallow follies in others, become the argument of his own scorn by falling in love: and such a man is Claudio. I have known when there was no music with him but the drum and the fife; and now had he rather hear the tabor and the pipe: I have known when he would have walked ten mile a-foot to see a good armour; and now will he lie ten nights awake, carving the fashion of a new doublet. He was wont to speak plain and to the purpose, like an honest man and a soldier; and now is he turned orthography; his words are a very fantastical banquet,—just so many strange dishes.

I will not be sworn but love may transform me to an oyster; but I’ll take my oath on it, till he have made an oyster of me,

BENE. . . . I will not be sworn but love may transform me to an oyster, but I’ll take my oath on it, till he have made an oyster of me, he shall never make me such a fool. One woman is fair, yet I am well; another is wise, yet I am well; another virtuous, yet I am well; but till all graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come in my grace. Rich she shall be, that’s certain; wise, or I’ll none; virtuous, or I’ll never cheapen her; fair, or I’ll ever look on her; mild, or come not near me; noble, or not I for an angel; of good discourse, an excellent musician, and her hair shall be of what color it please God. Ha! The Prince and Monsieur Love! I will hide me in the arbor. [Withdraws. ]

We’ll fit the kid-fox with a pennyworth.

tax not so bad a voice To slander music any more than once.

Enter BALTHASAR with Music. D. PEDRO. Come, Balthasar, we’ll hear that song again. BALTH. O, good my lord, tax not so bad a voice To slander music any more than once.

There’s not a note of mine that’s worth the noting.

Is it not strange that sheeps’ guts should hale souls out of men’s bodies?

BENE. Now, divine air! now is his soul ravished! Is it not strange that sheeps’ guts should hale souls out of men’s bodies? Well, a horn for my money, when all’s done.

Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more, Men were deceivers ever, One foot in sea and one on shore, To one thing constant never:

BALTH. The Song. Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more, Men were deceivers ever, One foot in sea and one on shore, To one thing constant never: Then sigh not so, but let them go, And be you blithe and bonny, Converting all your sounds of woe Into Hey nonny, nonny. Sing no more ditties, sing no moe, Of dumps so dull and heavy; The fraud of men was ever so, Since summer first was leavy: 33 Then sigh not so, &c.