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March 30, 2019
Recent studies have revealed, too, that during sleep our brains in effect clean themselves up—removing unhelpful by-products of the day’s neural activity—so that we can function well when we’re awake.
school-age children still need roughly 10 hours of sleep.
Even more, without proper sleep, our immune system does not function well, and so we can become vulnerable to infectious diseases.
Attachment is all about providing security for your children through anticipating their inner needs, making them feel safe, and communicating with them in a soothing manner.
Almost overnight, she’s a master in all realms.
Imagine your child was capable of walking, but you still carried her everywhere instead of letting her practice this new skill!
We wrote this book to help solve a dilemma. Over and over in our parenting groups, we’ve seen moms and dads work diligently to be responsive and nurturing around sleep, only to become frustrated, exhausted, and confused as their baby’s sleep gets worse instead of better. These parents feel stuck, and many reach the end of their rope and turn to a harsh, shut-the-door-and-don’t-go-in approach.
When we do things for our babies and kids that they are capable of doing for themselves, it keeps them from developing to their potential (in this case, their sleep potential). The problem is that, as parents, we don’t know how to stop overhelping, while still being warm and supportive to our kids.
Our methods are based on two logical, research-based ideas. One: babies and little kids need warmth, sensitivity, and a sense that the world is a safe place. Two: they thrive best (and sleep best) when they have structure, routine, and clear expectations.
Sleep affects virtually every part of your child’s life. Well-rested babies and kids are emotionally balanced, flexible, and creative; they’re healthier; they think clearly and retain information better. When your child sleeps well, she (and you) feel the ripples of this everywhere. It’s amazing to see how good sleep transforms a family.
Napping helps babies learn and remember language.
Little kids are losing critical hours of sleep. It’s estimated that babies and young children get an average of 9½ hours of sleep per night, although experts agree that they need 11 to 12, and roughly one-third of kids have clinical sleep problems.
Think about the fact that your goal is not just a child who is functioning, but one who is optimally alert, creative, and balanced.
For example, when your child enters deep sleep, growth hormones are secreted that allow cells to divide and tissues to repair and regenerate. During sleep, memories are consolidated and your child processes information learned during the day.
One of the best predictors of a child’s success in school is her level of “executive function,” or the ability to manage emotions, behaviors, and thinking—and this skill set is very sensitive to sleep loss.
Sleepy kids can still do the basics—talk, eat, run around, play—but sophisticated thinking, impulse control, and creativity go steadily downhill.
In other words, missing sleep early in life may have a lasting effect.
Psychologists continue to find connections between sleep and ADHD.
One experiment showed that adding just 30 minutes more sleep per night made a significant improvement (for kids without any history of behavioral issues) in how restless, impulsive, and moody children were. Reducing sleep by 50 minutes had the opposite effect.
Insufficient sleep also raises the risk of hypertension and can affect the immune system, which may make kids more likely to get sick.
Parents lose about 350 hours of nighttime sleep in the first year of their baby’s life.
Think about it this way: working on your child’s sleep is important for you and, in turn, your healthy sleep is important to your child, so you can feel available, patient, and energetic.
Warm, supportive parenting and a full night of independent sleep are not mutually exclusive—we’re going to show you how they work together naturally and seamlessly.
For the best sleep, you need both the consistency of structured sleep training programs and the responsiveness (or as we will call it here, the “attunement”) of attachment-friendly ideas.
Your baby needs only basic, lower regions of the brain, which she already has up and running, for associative learning. A 2-month-old can remember an event for a day or two. A 3-month-old can remember an event for roughly a week—but if babies are given reminders, the memory lasts far longer than this. At 6 months, development of areas like the visual cortex and the hippocampus are thought to make babies more particular and specific when it comes to associations. At this age, you might notice that if you try to change something about your routine or habits even slightly, your baby protests!
The key is to use your child’s natural tendency to detect patterns and form habits, rather than being hampered by it.
Lots of parents tell us that they’ve tried and tried to get their child to sleep, but when we probe for more information, we almost always find a spot of inconsistency (even a small one) that confuses the child and disrupts sleep progress. If you harness this idea when you put a sleep plan in place, you’re likely to see old, unhelpful patterns fade and new, helpful ones take over within one to two weeks.
a secure attachment comes from warmth and responsiveness, and it includes seeing when your child doesn’t need your help and is ready for the challenges that are part of developing and learning.
When you do something for your child that she is able to do herself, you take away her chance to struggle and ultimately
