Trusting Skulls (Rebel Skulls MC #8)

by L.M. Terry

“I know you’re going to have a hard time with this, but we’ll never abandon you.” Elizabeth’s voice holds me on the very edge of consciousness. I love her, but all I want to do is slip out of this world.

I turn, hugging myself. Maybe they know I fucked up. That I’m the one responsible for his dad getting inside his house the night I stayed with them.

“Thank you for watching over her. I know it was a big ask.” He doesn’t deny it. “She’s been a pain in the ass, but it’s kept us busy.” “I’m sorry.” “Don’t be. It gave us the opportunity to spend time with her, and I think we’ve all seen glimpses of what it is that you see in her. Now we just have to get her to recognize those qualities in herself.” I nod, slapping the bundle of letters on my leg.

I walk down the stairs, hating the fact that I’m stuck here with two of the scariest Skulls.

“One last thing. I’m not as mean as I look, and neither are you,” he says quietly, giving me a gentle squeeze before letting me go.

Dirk laughs at me. “We’ve raised one angry teenager already, so you’re not going to faze us. But while you’re in the bathroom, why don’t you take a look in the mirror and think about coming back out as the adult I know you can be.” His words sucker punch me in the gut. I’m torn between this feeling of being

I’m also not very good at letters, so I thought I’d send you a few items to show you how serious I am about my feelings toward you. I saw the disbelief in your eyes the last time we spoke. You told me I was blind, and that I wasn’t seeing who you are. I’m going to show you that my eyes have been wide open, and maybe it’s you who doesn’t see who you really are.

Men like Ash don’t come around every day, and goddammit that kid wants you. You, Lexie. You.” “But you don’t think I’m deserving, do you?” I ask, a lump forming in my throat. “Look at me,” he orders. Slowly, I turn to face him, tears streaming down my face. His scary features soften to a not-so-scary status. “Don’t put words in my mouth, hun. The only person who really needs to answer that question is you. Do you think you’re deserving?” “No,” I tell him honestly.

“I wish every one of you would quit wasting your time with me.” I look away. “Saving souls is not a waste of time. We’re not going to let you fail, Lexie.”

“My granddaughter is into Alice and Wonderland right now. I’m trying to create a little magic for her. We try to come up with our daughter, Billie Rose, and her family as often as we can, but life gets busy. It’s been a while since we’ve been here.”

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the Skulls. I do. But I am who I am. Deeply flawed.

My first reaction is to label them as weird, because they’re old and acting like kids. But if I really ask myself why it triggers me, it’s because I’m jealous. You can tell these three are one hundred percent comfortable around each other. I’d be happy to have one person in my life who I could be this level of relaxed with.

“So, let me get this straight. You think you’re a waste of time unless you’re being fucked?” he asks calmly.

“Soon it becomes your whole persona. It’s how the world views you. You begin to think it’s the only thing you’re good for. The shame begins to eat at your soul, and you try to escape it by owning your promiscuity. Because no one can think more badly of you than you. Eventually the connection you were initially looking for begins to fade into something unrecognizable, and you’re left wondering how it all began.”

“You act like I can just stop.” “You can. Find that little girl inside you who was lonely. You find her and you bring her back here. Show her you survived. Show her you’ve found your people. Be her fucking hero, because you’re the only one who can be.”

“You don’t want the same thing. They want one moment of temporary self-gratification. You want endless moments of mutual fulfillment.”

“There’s nothing left for Ash. If I had known I’d meet someone like him, I would’ve waited.” But I can’t take any of it back.

You’ll never face the world alone again.

Raffe leans across the table and tips my chin toward him. “I’m proud of you. That was a great first start at being kinder to yourself.” I take a deep breath. “I’ve never known where to begin. Thank you for being here to point me in the right direction.”

When I don’t respond to her statement, she continues, “Lexie deserves the best. No less. Can you offer her that?” Her pleasantry disappears, and a hard gaze narrows on me. She’s a mama bear showing her teeth. I have no doubt she’ll bite to protect her newfound ward.

I realize this is a good thing. Lexie is finally going to get some real love. Love that isn’t contingent upon what she can give back. Love that’s unconditional. Love that doesn’t hurt.

“The man wiped my eyes and made me a root beer float. He told me it was his granddaughter’s favorite treat. Then he knelt in front of me and cleaned and bandaged my skinned-up knees. From that day on, I began to fantasize about your club rescuing me. Crazy, right?”

“My wife is dying,” he says quietly. He drops his head, and my heart breaks clean open at the raw pain in his voice. It takes my breath away. My lips part, but nothing comes out.

“You make your own. But don’t forget she’s not just yours anymore. She’s part of the family now. She might not have had any parents when she got out here, but when she leaves she’s going to have several sets.”

There’s lots of back slapping going on downstairs. I’m happy for Ash, but this doesn’t bode well for me. I’m sure Ash has missed his best friend. I sure didn’t. Brody’s been up my ass for months. The club must have sent him up here.

Brody and I are on the same team when it comes to me and Ash. Neither of us think I’m good enough for him.

She gives me a big smile. “Daisy.” Her personality certainly speaks of a fresh, comfortable spring day. However, her appearance promises something mysterious, unsettling, maybe even a little dark. The combination is impossible to resist.

“Why do you care what I think of her?” He shrugs. “Because for one, you’re a girl. And … I don’t know. Ash and I are best friends and the four of us are going to spend a lot of time together. I guess I want you to like her.”

“Well, I dread the fact that someday he’s going to look at me and see who I really am.” “I get that.” “You do?” He sits up. “Now I do. I mean, did you see Daisy? Like what the hell does someone like her see in me?” My head snaps back. “You’re not serious, are you?” Brody stares at me, remaining silent. I hold up my hand, ticking off his attributes finger by finger. “You’re hot, sweet, protective, loyal, hot.”

“I’m not here because of the way you look or how you fuck …” I wince at the harshness of his words. “What’s left?” He shakes his head. “You, Lexie. Just you.”

here?” “I don’t know. I’m hiding out from my family, so I’m trying to lay low.” “Hiding?” She releases a sigh. “It’s not like that. I’m not in any danger. I just found out that I’m adopted. Can you imagine? For twenty-two years my parents have lied to me.”

“It’s okay. Your pain is yours, mine is mine. I’m realizing everyone has something they’re dealing with.” “Since neither of us have any siblings, maybe we can be soul sisters,” she suggests.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so unkind to you,” I whisper. “You deserve better, too.”

“When I was in eighth grade, I quit talking for two whole months,” she confesses. “To your parents?” “To everyone.”

My hand stills. “To everyone? How does that even work?” She draws invisible circles over my leg. “I just didn’t talk.” “But how did you answer questions? Like, I believe you. I’m just curious.” “No one asked me anything.” Lexie lifts her head and wraps her arms around her legs, hugging herself. “No one even noticed.”

anywhere. Eventually she does. “I’m sorry if I scared you last night,” I tell her. “You didn’t scare me.” Her fingertip begins to trace the tattoos on my forearm. “I … I just didn’t want you to feel alone.”

It’s pouring by the time he sets me on my feet. We blink at each other for a few seconds before he runs a hand over his face. “Can I have this dance?” he asks, looking a bit nervous, like I might say no.

don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose the magic,” she whispers.

“I’m going to need you to pinch me,” she says, giving me the smile I’ve been dying to see all morning. “How about you pinch me?” She reaches out and places her hand against my cheek. “Let’s do it together.” Gently, I pinch her cheek, and she does the same to me.

He flashes me with a smile that makes me realize there’s a lot more to JD than meets the eye. “She called me Dad tonight. I don’t think she tosses that word around lightly, and neither do I. I’m going to be the father neither she nor I had. I’m going to have that girl’s back till the day I die.”

“My new job will give us more time together,” he tells me. “Yeah, I know how much time that job affords. I spent more time with your boss than I ever did you.” My mom’s hand flies out, making stinging contact with the side of my face. Dad grabs her wrist. “Diane!” he yells.

“Do you remember the day you took me to work with you because my nanny was sick? I sat under your desk all day, and you let me watch the Wizard of Oz on your phone. We even had lunch together in your office.” “Yeah, that day was a complete shit show.” My shoulders fall, and I shove my crutches in the backseat of my car. “That was one of the best days of my life.”

“Shit, I’m sorry. When I saw her pretty face in the window, my brain shut off.” This doesn’t make JD any happier. “Now I’ve got to worry you’re going to turn into a complete idiot every time you’re around her.” Ash smiles wide. “Don’t worry. I won’t lock her in the basement.” A laugh bursts from my chest, and I can’t stop it. “Oh, oh, god. That was good. Oh god, I’m sorry. I … ugh, I can’t stop.” I hold my stomach.

Elizabeth is everything I’ve ever wanted in a mother. “Your daughter was lucky to have you as a mom, even if she doesn’t know it.” “She’s missing,” she says quietly, shaking her head as if she can’t believe what she’s saying.

“It’s called “The Laughing Heart” by Charles Bukowski,” I tell her.

“Your life is your life Don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission. Be on the watch. There are ways out. There is a light somewhere. It may not be much light but It beats the darkness. Be on the watch. The gods will offer you chances. Know them. Take them. You can’t beat death but You can beat death in life, sometimes, And the more often you learn to do it The more light there will be. Your life is your life. Know it while you have it. You are marvelous The gods wait to delight In you.”

“I do want to be the light to you and others, but I’ll admit I’m having a hard time trusting myself.” Her gaze goes to the house before she continues. “I trusted myself with Graham. He was the first person who really noticed me, and he made me feel special.” Her cheeks redden, but she goes on. “Having someone’s full attention felt so good until it didn’t.”

“I’ll fucking spend every day of my life showing up for you, Lexie. Trust yourself. Trust me.”

My head pulls back. “Rachel, gosh, you don’t need to pay me. I’d be happy to help you with whatever you need.” “Well, I’m still paying you, because I can and I want to. Ash told me you like to write. I’m going to be writing letters for a lot of people. I was hoping maybe you could help me with that.”

Her gaze comes back to rest on me. “Thank you for helping me. You’re the angel who’s going to make sure my family doesn’t fall into despair.” I laugh. “Um, I hate to burst your bubble, but I’m the furthest thing from an angel you can get. I don’t think I’d even qualify as a good knock off.” She clicks her tongue. “I’m going to have Raffe work with you on that. You’ve got to change the narrative in your head. You are not your darkness. It’s only there for contrast. To show you how bright you can shine.” I want to argue with her, but