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The thing about rock bottom though is that it looks deceptively solid until life decides to break out its jackhammer.
So what if I’d memorized her laugh like a favorite song, or noticed how her hair caught the sunlight just so, or the precise shade of pink her cheeks turned when she was embarrassed?
For the record, I NEVER stopped thinking about you. In fact, I had to stop myself from calling you every single day for the last 687 days. You deserved better than my silence.
“You survived,” I said firmly, looking up to meet his gaze. “That’s not weakness, Blake. That’s courage.” A tear escaped down my cheek, and Blake caught it with his thumb in a gesture so achingly gentle that it made my chest tighten. I wanted to tell him he didn’t need to comfort me, that I should be the one wiping away his tears, though his eyes remained dry. Something twisted in my gut at the thought that maybe he’d shed all his tears long ago, in dark rooms, where no one had been there to catch them.
“They don’t make you look weak.” I placed my palm flat against his chest, feeling his heartbeat racing beneath my hand, strong and steady despite his apprehension. “They make you look like a warrior.”
“I sat outside your door. All night. Just in case you needed me.” The sob that escaped my throat surprised us both. I had no idea that when my palm had been pressed against that door, wishing he was there, he actually was. I remember the confusing thoughts and feelings that first night and how I wanted to tell him what happened. Him, only him. Wanted his arms wrapped around me, my face buried in his chest as he assured me everything would be okay. And I remember how I’d wanted to tell him that I went down swinging.
It was strange how history, in that moment, actually rewrote itself. Thinking about the darkest night of my life, I’d always remembered how alone I felt. Scared. Violated. But knowing now that Blake had been there with me, a mere three inches from my palm, it changed something about that night. It lessened its darkness somehow.
“So, don’t you dare think this obsession means I don’t care about you.” He closed the distance between us, eyes blazing. “It means I love you, Tessa. I have always loved you, no matter how hard I fought it. I will always love you.”
“I’m too busy getting everything I ever wanted, Tessa.”
It was the small things, I’d discovered, that made you feel the most loved.
“Walking my little girl down the aisle. It’s … it’s more than just a tradition. It’s a father’s final act of love. That moment when you guide your child from the life you helped build for them into the life they’ll build for themselves.”
“Most everyone I’ve loved has left me, Tessa.” My voice was barely a whisper. “Don’t you dare leave me too. If you do …” The words caught in my throat. I’ll follow you. I’ll drink that same poison and chase you through whatever hell you’re experiencing until my heart stops beating.
All Sarah wanted was to see me again. To apologize. And to be forgiven. She’d gotten that. And my wounds had healed too. Life could be both tragic and beautiful.
sometimes, the bravest thing is to let love in, even knowing it might hurt.
