Don't Say You're Sorry (Hawthorne University #2)

by Bethany Winters

I’m finally seeing the boy I love for the first time in three and a half years. I’ve thought about him every day since the day I left. Every day, I’ve missed him, needed him, wished for him, pined for him. Every fucking day, I thought about dropping everything and risking it all for him.

It would kill me if he was heartbroken, alone, and still waiting for me. That’s not what I wanted for him, but the fact that he looks fine, as if nothing has changed…that kills me too.

All it would take is one conversation, a few words, five words,

We’re discreet. This isn’t our first time sneaking away to be alone together. We know how to get away with it.

I remember the way he looked at me the day I left—the way he cried, fought, begged—and

Just when I think he’s about to hug me, or kiss me, or shove me back against the wall and demand to know why the fuck I haven’t been home in three and a half years, he punches me in the face.

Easton Don’t go. Please. Call me back. Now, Adam. Please, baby.

“Why didn’t you choose me to be your date?” Carter asks as he follows. “Is it because I have a dick?” “It’s not because you have a dick; it’s because you are a dick.”

Carter, the loml

My neighbor and best friend since I was eight, who later became my stepbrother after our parents fell in love and got married.

I remember the day they told us they were engaged. Adam and I cheered and hugged and jumped around the yard together before we fell into the pool. We were happier for ourselves than we were for them. We were going to be brothers. It was a dream come true.

“I…I don’t know what to say to you,” I admit. “Except that I’m s⁠—” “Don’t,” he cuts me off, spitting the words through his teeth. “Don’t you dare.”

“I’ve never lied to you, E,” I whisper as I pass him. “Not once. Remember that.” “There are worse things than lying,” he mutters. I stop in the hall, eyes forward. “Like?” “Like never saying a fucking word.”

“Tell me what happened tonight. I won’t judge you.” I raise a brow. “You sure you wanna hear it?” “That’s what this is for.” He raises his glass. “Bottoms up, little brother.” I cringe. “Please don’t ever call me that again.” He stares at me, his head cocked in confusion, and then it hits him. “Jesus Christ.” He swallows his drink in one go. I chuckle as he pours another one. “I thought you weren’t going to judge me.” “I lied.”

I’m the one who pushed. If I had left it alone, maybe I wouldn’t have lost my best friend, my stepbrother, and the only person I’ve ever let myself love. I ruined us long before he did.

“I’m happy.” I narrow my eyes. As I get out of the car, I say, “That’s the second time you’ve ever lied to me.” “Oh, yeah? When was the first?” When you told me you didn’t love me anymore.

“Sunshine.” Nate reads it aloud, still grazing Xavi’s hips with his thumbs. “Is that you?” “No,” I say quietly. “He’s the sun.”

“You’re here.” “Yeah,” I say. “I’m here.” “For me.” “For you,” I reiterate.

“You touch me like this in front of Adam, I’ll break this pretty face,” I warn, tapping his cheek with my palm. “He’s mine to fuck with, not yours. You understand?” He smirks, bumping his forehead against mine. “You think I’m pretty?”

I still fucking love Carter

As I listen to it ring, and ring, and ring, all the memories come rushing back.

Side eye

“Every time I see you with someone else, I die a little on the inside,” he rushes out, panting against my ear. “Fuck. I⁠—” I don’t hesitate. “Then I’ll stop.” “What?” “If it hurts you, I’ll stop.”

Now he’s gone and done it. One taste. One fucking taste and I’m addicted to it. To him.

“Do you have any idea what you just did?” I rasp. He tears his mouth away, his head turned to the side, his hands still pinned. “I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m s⁠—” “Don’t.” Releasing one of his hands, I grab his jaw and turn his face until he’s looking at me again, my hand sliding down to his throat. “Don’t say you’re sorry for this.”

“Kiss me.” I drag my bottom lip through my teeth to hide my smile, lowering my face until our mouths brush. “I’ll kiss you, suck you, rim you, fuck you, and come in your little virgin ass if that’s what you want. That’s what I want. But only when you’re sober.”

“Mine,” I whisper to his sleeping body. “That’s what you are to me.”

“What do you want, Adam?” “Kiss me,” he breathes, so I pull his mouth to mine. I’m about to give him the best goddamn kiss of his life, but he’s not done. “Suck me, rim me, fuck me, and come in my ass.” “Your little virgin ass,” I correct him.

“You like being my good boy?” “Oh my God,” he groans, tipping his head back. “That’s not an answer.” “Yes. Fuck.”

I move down his body and lie on my stomach between his legs, pushing them up by the backs of his knees to watch my cum drip out of him. “What are y⁠—” Before he can finish, I lick it up and fuck it back into him with my tongue.

“Your apartment’s gone, and your brother’s back in Hawthorne,” he says, his lips moving over my jawline. “If you try to run from me again, you won’t get very far. I’ll catch you this time,” he whispers in my ear.

“Tell our parents you’re back for good,” he says, and I nod without really thinking about it. “Okay. Yes. Why?” “Because I want you stuck here with me,” he says unremorsefully. “I want it to be really fucking difficult for you to pack up and leave again.”

I have my book.” He waves a book at us. “Is that Alter Arlo by Nordika Night?”

Slayyyyy

Carter’s got a good heart. A big heart.” “Where?” I deadpan. “It’s in there,” he assures me. “He just doesn’t like to show it to anyone.”

I tilt my head slightly, slowly going in for a kiss, but he dodges my lips, a wicked grin on his face as he stands. “No kissing.”

“Adam, be serious. Are you gonna be his dirty little secret for the rest of your life? Is that what you want?” No hesitation. “Yes.”

“But I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how to top. I don’t want to hurt you.” He chuckles as he straddles me, taking my wrists and guiding them above my head. “I’m still the top,” he says near my ear. “Only instead of fucking you with my dick, I’m gonna fuck you with my ass. Is that okay?”

“If you don’t fuck me this time—and let me come—I’m moving back to London.”

“I’ll chase you, and I’ll catch you this time. You’re not getting away from me again, baby.”

“I missed you, baby.” He glares, but the look in his eyes tells me he’s trying not to smile. “Did you miss me?” I push. “No.” I smirk. “That’s the third lie.”

Sunshine, I’m not sorry. Love, Adam x

The whole time you were away, I wasn’t calling you. I was calling him.”

“Kiss me,” I say. “Make me.” It’s the loudest yes I’ve ever heard.

“It’s okay to miss him,” I say to Adam, low enough that only he can hear me. He stares at his plate. “I don’t miss him.” I click my tongue. “That’s the first lie you’ve ever told me.”

you happy?” “Yeah,” he says, wrapping his arms around my neck. “I’m happy.” This time, I almost believe him.

He told me once that all it would take is five words. Five words, and our lives as we know it would fall apart. He also told me he’d never be able to say them. But he says them now. “I’m in love with Easton.”

I want to ask if he feels it—the unbearable pain in his heart. I want to tell him that’s what he did to me—to us—but

“You never know when to shut up.” “You remember how to make me?” Axel laughs cruelly. “You couldn’t handle me anymore, love.” “Why don’t you let me be the judge of that, straight boy?”

“You want to know Carter? Wait a little longer. He might surprise you.” “He already surprises me,” he deadpans. “Literally every time he opens his mouth.”

The loml

“Tell me why you did it.” His answer is simple. “You weren’t happy.”

“You were right.” “About what?” “I still love you,” I whisper, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I loved you even when I hated you. Even when I thought you’d given up on me, I never stopped loving you.”

“Did you know we’d end up here?” “Yes,” he admits. “The second I saw you standing next to your mom at the party, I knew you’d be mine again.”

“I spent a lot of time thinking you didn’t care anymore. That you’d moved on. But all it took was one look at you, and I knew. You were still mine. You never stopped being mine.