The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant (Fred, the Vampire Accountant, #1)

by Drew Hayes

“There’s no need for such demonstrations of bravery. It will not change your fate.” “Uh huh. That’s great and all, but I was serious. You guys have obviously been holed up here a while. You’ve got to have a television or something. I’ll take a boom box. The clacking is starting to give me a headache.” Quinn threw back his head and laughed, a rich and elegant tone that had clearly been worked on until it was perfect. Yeah, this was a motherfucker who’d actually practiced his evil laugh. “I do love the bravado you agents show in the face of certain death,” he said, intending it as a compliment, I think. “Sadly, we have no such entertainment devices. Our kind is beyond the need for such petty distractions.” “Buddy, there’s an all-vampire group in my department that goes and sings karaoke every Wednesday night. They also took three days off when the last Call of Duty game came out. I happen to know for a fact that Freddy still has an active World of Warcraft account and a giant movie collection. Save the Anne Rice shtick for someone who doesn’t work with, and freaking date, your kind.”