After We Fell (After, #3)

by Anna Todd

When my name escapes her lips, it comes out on a breath, soft, her tongue caressing the word. As if in saying that one word she’s summed up all of her feelings for me, all of the times I’ve touched her, all of the times she’s proved that she loves me—even if part of me still can’t believe it.

“Fuck me, then,” she says, and my mouth falls open. “You should just fuck me until you forget about that dream, because you’re here for one night, and I’ve missed you, but you’re too stuck on imagining me with Zed to even give me the attention that I want.”

my somewhat shy—yet very fucking dirty—girl is looking at me,

All I want is her and me, me and her: Tessa and the mess that is fucking Hardin.

“Fuck, I’ve missed you,” I moan.

We are pure passion personified, devil and angel, and I’ve never been more madly fucking in love with her.

He knows exactly what he’s doing to me. He knows how much his dirty words affect me and how much they make me want him. He knows, and he’s doing a damn good job at making me burn with desire from the inside out.

I take a moment to appreciate that after all the shit I’ve put her through, she’s still here, she’s always fucking here, and it’s about goddamned time I make it worth her while.

“Come back to me,” she begs. That’s all it takes.

“I never wish to be parted from you from this day on,” it says. And I’m going to do everything I have to do in order to keep my permanent promise.

“Spill it,” I demand. “I didn’t finish.” “What?” I choke. Had I really been that consumed by my own pleasure that I didn’t notice when she didn’t come?

“I can’t live without you and I love you: they go hand in hand. If I could live without you, I wouldn’t be as in love with you as I am, and I clearly cannot be far from you.”

The love we made in my bedroom isn’t an issue, because it’s my bedroom for now, and I’m an adult having consensual sex with my… whatever it is that Hardin is to me right now.

“That was so nice of you,” I tell him. “Whatever.” He smiles and covers my mouth with his. I hear the small click of a camera and pull away from him to find Kimberly with the camera again held to her face. Hardin turns his head to hide in my hair, and she takes another shot. “Enough, shit.” He groans and drags me out the door. “What is with this family and their videos and pictures,” he rambles on, and I close the heavy door behind me. “Videos?” I ask. “Never mind.”

“What?” He glowers at me. “Nothing. It’s just an odd thing to do, to take someone’s car to get an oil change.” “I’ve been the only one taking your car for an oil change for months; why would it surprise you now?” He’s right; he’s always the one to take my car for any type of maintenance it may need, and sometimes I suspect he’s being paranoid and has things fixed or replaced that don’t need to be. “I don’t know. I guess I forget that we were a normal couple sometimes,” I admit, fidgeting in my seat. “Explain.”

“It’s hard to remember the small, normal things like oil changes or the time you let me braid your hair.” I smile at the memory. “When we always seem to be going through some sort of crisis.” “First of all…”—he smirks—“don’t ever mention that hair-braiding fiasco again. You know damned well that the only reason I let that happen was because you bribed me with head and cookies.”

Images of phone sex and video chats immediately spring into mind, and I shamelessly run through shots of Hardin touching himself on the screen. What is wrong with me?

“You’re thinking about it… going over all the dirty shit I could do to you via iPhone.”

“I want to, though,” she shyly admits, turning her head slightly to hide from my view. “We can go home… well, to your place—” “Why not here?” “Hello? Tessa?” I wave my hand in front of her face, and she looks up at me, bewildered. “Have you seen Tessa around anywhere, because this hormone-addled, sex-crazed woman wiggling in my lap is certainly not her,” I tease, and she catches on, finally. “I’m not sex-crazed.” She pouts, pushing out her lower lip, and I lean up to catch it between my teeth.

“So maybe I’m a little hormonal, it’s almost… you know, that time.” She whispers the last two words as if they’re a dirty secret. “Oh, now I get it.” I grin, concocting vulgar jokes in my mind to tease her with the entire week, the way I always do.

“Mike and I are going to be married.” She squeals into the phone, and I move the device from my ear for a moment to save my hearing.

I love her and she loves me, end of fucking story.

No, it’s not home. You’re not here.

“Who’s with you?” I lasted about forty seconds there. Progress.

“Har-din…” I can tell she’s uncomfortable, and she doesn’t want to explain herself in front of them. “Ther-esa.”

“I miss you.” The sadness in her voice stops me in my tracks. “I miss you too, baby. I’m sorry—I’m going crazy without you, Tess.” “I am, too.” She sighs, and it makes me want to apologize again. “I’m a dumb-ass for not coming to Seattle with you in the first place.”

I love Hardin so much, and I just want him to see that nothing she, or anyone else, says will ever change that.

“But after graduation?” “Yeah, sure.” “Yeah sure? That’s it? That easy?” The smile that overcomes me crowds out everything else. I wish he were here; I’d grab him by his T-shirt and kiss him, hard.

First Trevor, now Zed. Did the extra mascara this morning bring along some weird juju with it or something?

My heart swells at his honest and thoughtful answer. He really is trying, and it means so much to me.

I was so heartbroken then, so sad, that I could barely think straight. That guy ended up kissing me, and I ended up completely molesting Hardin in my hotel room after he found Trevor there. It was a huge misunderstanding, but when I think back, the night ended pretty well for me.

“If you knew shit about me, you would know better than to be threatening me right now,” I warn her.

“Only for my boobs.” She whispers the last word. “Obviously.” I chuckle, teasing her.

“Yeah, well, now that the truth is out, you can let me fuck them,” I say, much too loud.

“What do you want to do?” she asks quietly. “What?” “I’m bored.” She looks up at me with that look. Tessa lifts herself up and stares down at me, eyes wild. “What would you like to do, drunk ass?” “Pull your hair.” She grins and pulls her bottom lip between her teeth in the most sinful way.

but when Tessa’s your wife, it’s real. That’s when it’s fucking real, and it couldn’t be more satisfying, especially for overly paranoid men like you and me.”

I love her so much, so fucking much that it frightens me to think about losing her.

“And you know you’ve given me new experiences. I’ve never loved anyone, romantically, or even family, really…”

“And I’ve never lived with anyone. I never gave a fuck about losing anyone before, but when it comes to you, I wouldn’t survive it. That’s a new experience.”

“I’ve only loved you,”

“I’ll always only love you.”

I love Hardin in that all-consuming, incredible way that I know, deep down, I will never feel again.

“I will always only love you,” I promise him. I send a silent prayer that we’ll find a way to work through all of our problems, because I know what I just said is true. It will always be him. Even if something drove us apart.

“Functional is highly overrated, baby.” To prove my point, I lift her by the thighs, wrapping her legs around my waist, and kiss her against the wall right in the middle of one of the busiest streets in Seattle.

My heart is instantly broken, and I begin to wonder just how much one heart can bear.

and in that I find solace, a steady certainty that even in the middle of the brewing storm, he will be my anchor.

“You guys can’t do this again. Hardin, you can’t let people get into your head like that; Tessa’s is the only opinion that matters. Let hers be the only voice in your head,” he tells us.

“And Tess…” Landon sighs. “You don’t need to feel guilty and try to convince Hardin that you want to be with him; you staying around through everything should be proof enough.”

“Tessa needs you to comfort her right now. Her parents are screaming at each other in there, so be here for her—don’t make this about you,”

“When he said yours should be the only voice in my head. I want that.”