Dream On

by Jennifer Hartmann

plaster on a grin and play the part, but inside, I feel like I’m fading, losing the pieces of myself that once mattered. The parts that made me real.

This is the residual side effect of something I never got to experience myself—something Lex stole from me and used without my consent—and that hurts more than I can say.

Clearly, you made an impact on his life, and he turned that connection into a story that touched the world. He immortalized you with art.”

“Perhaps he was projecting, Stevie. I saw it as his way of telling the world he doesn’t think he deserves you.”

It feels and thinks in ways we don’t fully understand, guiding us through emotions and decisions with a wisdom that often surpasses logic. Maybe that’s why, despite everything, it still beats so fiercely for what we’ve lost, for the things we once held dear.

“Honestly? It was a bit…” Pausing, I draw out the next beat, toying with the silence, pretending to think over my response. Then, with a firm set of my jaw, I finish: “Underwhelming.”

“That’s funny. I thought you only did things to benefit yourself.” “Not true. I bought you a car.” “And then you totaled it a week later.”

“That was an accident.” He stabs a hand through his hair, shaking his head. “It was an accident I regret every day—every fucking second of every day.”

“Explain to me these things you claim I can’t understand, the things that have kept me up at night, thinking I was someone you could use up and discard like a crumpled script, tossed aside after the curtain closes.”

“You don’t need to pretend to be someone you’re not,”

“Don’t apologize. You’re allowed to think I’m an asshole. I don’t care.” My heart sinks a little. “You used to be someone who cared.”

“I want to know more.” My tone dips to a husky whisper. “I want to know what changed. Why you changed. Why you left and how you could—” I stop, closing my eyes, trying to summon the right words. “How you were able to just shut it all off and walk away without a backward glance. Was it worth it?” I wonder softly. “All this?”

“They have therapists for that.” “Therapists offer coping mechanisms. I’m looking for answers.”

Then his hand returns to mine. He links our fingers together until our palms are fully clasped, and I hold tight, plastering a smile on my face. He’s smiling too. It looks so genuine, so effortless.

“Absolutely. We’ve been keeping our relationship under wraps, but tonight, we’re excited to announce that we’re officially a couple.” My smile brightens twofold as I wrap my arm around Lex and yank him close. “Right, babe?”

“You’d make a sexy belly dancer.” “Mmm.” Another nervous laugh slips as I pinch his side. “For your eyes only, babe.”

“And I’m trying to make sense of why you would disappear for four years after I put my ass on the line for you.” “I did that for—” For you, Stevie. I did it for you. The words almost slip out. I almost confess that she’s the reason I walked away, the reason my life spiraled and every bit of magic drained from my veins.

So I did the only thing I could—I begged my parents to make it go away. I promised them my freedom, my future, if Dad would pull whatever strings he had and scrub that DUI off her record. I needed him to do it. And he did.

I play with her hair, kiss her cheek, drag the tip of my nose down the soft, porcelain arch of her throat, inhaling her scent, feeling her pulse point flicker and pound as we fall into character and sell the story.

I lied for him because I was scared he’d get hurt. That his father would unleash his rage on him and put him in the ground. I couldn’t bear it. My heart couldn’t bear it.

“I’m scared to get close to him again. I’m scared that the pretending will start to feel real.” “So what if it does? Feelings aren’t a bad thing, even when they hurt.”

“I’ve seen the tabloids. The social media pictures. There’s always a girl on your arm.” “You’ll be the girl on my arm.”

His breath is hot against my throat. It shakes with unsteadiness as he drags the tip of his nose along the curve of my neck and inhales. “You smell good.”

I think, sometimes, love isn’t always in the ones who stick around. It’s in the missing pieces—the holes carved out, the gaps that strain and stretch. You notice when it leaves, the quiet, empty moments where absence lingers, and you feel the weight of what’s gone. It’s in the spaces where something used to be, in the silence that follows, in the ache that reminds you it was once there.

They’re staring because she’s fucking stunning. She’s always had curves, once hiding them under baggy denim and oversize shirts. But now she’s evolved, grown, embracing a bold new style and currently flaunting a tiny bikini that barely swallows her breasts.

“So I’m second-guessing my wardrobe.” “Why? You’re the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

My hands raise to hitch along Stevie’s hipbones with a squeeze, then trail lazily up her midsection. “I fucking love your body.”

One real kiss on an old high school stage, one I stole because there was no other choice; I had to kiss her. I told her—in my moment of embarrassing, confusing emotional whiplash—that it was only for the show. For the audience, for the performance’s sake. But that wasn’t true. I kissed her because I needed to, because she’d never looked so beautiful, and because I knew it would be my greatest regret if I didn’t.

“I just need you to understand why I couldn’t be what you wanted me to be that night, and I really need you to understand why I’m fucking begging you to stay away from West.”

And I knew then that sometimes the dreams we give up make way for dreams we never knew we wanted.”

“You don’t know what it’s like to be in a room full of people and still feel…completely invisible.”

“I thought disappearing would be easier—for both of us. But it wasn’t. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. And it absolutely destroys me, every day. It hurts…right here.”

The script in my hand feels insignificant. I don’t need it. I never did. “You were never unworthy, Debra. I did see you, and I loved you with everything I had, everything I am, and that was enough.”

We could have been each other’s firsts. But I broke her. Left her stranded and confused. Abandoned her without a reason. And she gave that moment to someone else.

“He said you were kind. Wholesome…I think that was the word he used. He wanted to make sure I harnessed empathy and made the character really relatable. He also said you were supremely talented—dramatically and vocally—so filming those high school scenes with the stage play were a bit intimidating.”

My breath hitches as his hand slides up my back, fingers splaying out to hold me tighter, like he’s afraid I might slip away. And maybe I should. Maybe I should step back, break free before this illusion becomes something I can’t escape from. Because I know it will break me when the curtain finally falls.

His mouth grazes mine. I can’t breathe. His eyelids flutter in the beat before our lips press together. My mouth widens while his lingers on my bottom lip, hovering, our breaths staggered and shallow. A whimper escapes me, a little squeak, and the sound seems to do something to him. Lex cups one hand around the back of my head, inhales what sounds like a stifled moan, then fully slams his lips to mine. His tongue dives into my mouth.

“I mean, who is she to you? Really? These photos don’t lie. You can’t fake that shit.”

“Intention doesn’t matter, not when the impact is devastating. That’s what matters. My heart. My dignity.” She slams a finger to her chest, her voice trembling, cracking. “I uprooted my life for you, for this ridiculous charade—”

“Just when I think you care,” she spits out. “Just when I convince myself there’s a good man hiding behind the shell. Someone who sees me. Someone who—” “I do see you. I do care.” “If you really cared, you never would have let your mother speak to me that way. It’s unforgivable.”

“You used me for comfort when we were teenagers, then left me all alone, broken and stranded, forced to pick up the pieces of my shattered dreams. You used me to put yourself at the top of Hollywood’s A-list with your sanctimonious television show that made a mockery of everything I held dear. And you’re using me now, fooling the world into believing this sham of a relationship, just to help you sleep at night.”

“I know that makes me selfish. I fucking know it. I’m selfish for wanting to feel, for wanting to keep you here, for wanting a taste of something good and sweet and pure.”

“I can’t help it,” I say, locking our eyes together. “You’ve been the only thing that has ever made me feel alive.”

“You’re fucking beautiful,” I rasp against her ear, pinning the lobe between my teeth. “So fucking beautiful.”

“So you’re saying it was just sex.” “No.” My eyes pop. “We both know it was more than that. I just don’t know where we’re supposed to go from here.” I inhale a stuttered breath. “Do you?”

“It’s just, with your history…I want to be sure. I need you to feel safe with me.”

I have feelings for him. Strong feelings. Those feelings never went away, not ever, and now he’s so close, standing right in front of me, and I can’t piece together any words to promise him that we will be okay.

“He’s too stubborn and stone-walled to admit it, but yeah, that’s exactly what he wants. Someone who won’t walk away, who sees all the messed-up, ugly things he’s buried himself in and keeps fighting. It’s why I stick around despite how much he annoys the shit out of me—deep down, he needs me to. And for some preposterous reason, I really fucking like the guy.”

it. “I don’t like seeing you like this,” I whisper. “It hurts. It hurts so much.”

“Sorry I didn’t defend you. To my mom,” he says, blinking lazily. “Fuckin’ kills me.”