Crossing Arizona (State of Us, #2)

by Bree Wiley

When my best friend and the love of my life left me behind, taking his daughter and my heart with him. The daughter that I helped raise.

A yellow diamond-shaped sign with Duck Crossing emblazoned in thick black letters, followed by a silhouette of a momma duck and her ducklings. The first one I stole for him. The sign that made me realize I’d fallen in love with my best friend.

Twelve years of feeling his warmth beside me, and now I’m sleeping alone. While he shares his life with someone else.

His home is wherever I am. He’s known it since the day he followed me into my house in the fourth grade—like a lost little duck. And he’s been mine ever since.

“No one wants me, Matty. It’s fine. I’ve gotten used to it.” “I want you.”

“Thank you for wanting me, Matty.” Like I could ever want anyone else. I kiss him back softly, a gesture we share only in the dark when we’re alone. It’s our secret, a rebellion against a world that believes two best friends kissing for comfort is wrong. But how could it be wrong when it feels so right? “I’ll always want you, Ducky,” I murmur against his lips. “Always.”

I wish Matty could see this. I wish he’d walk in here and see what I’ve become, what he’s reduced me to. I wish he’d fucking save me. But nobody cares. Nobody notices my downward spiral, my fall from grace. My leap off the ledge. And when I eventually hit rock bottom, nobody will be around to witness my soul splatter across the ground.

Just once in my life, I want to know what it feels like to have someone fight for me.

“What am I supposed to do, Matthew?” My voice cracks as I sit up slightly, running a hand over my face. “Stand by and watch the guy I’m in love with build a life with someone else? Are you seriously asking me to do that?”

Xed has always been mine. And I’ve always been his. Nothing will ever change that.

My reality is this—a battlefield of harsh words and dead memories, the constant ache of missing the life I should’ve had trailing me like a ghost. I gave up everything for this. And I’m not sure it’s even worth it.

I’ll always choose you, Matty.

I love you. I’ve loved you since we were kids. I’m done running.

Because there he is. Xed. Man of my dreams. Standing on my porch, cheeks red, hair a mess, and holding… a duck. An actual fucking duck. It flaps its wings and lets out a loud, irritated quack like it’s just as confused about being here as I am.

Things aren’t perfect. I’m still learning to cope with the shit life’s thrown at me, but maybe so is he. And maybe, for the first time, we’re finally in a place to hash it all out. Together. Which is how I found myself standing at his front door with a fucking duck in my arms.

All I see is the man who’s been my everything since the moment I followed him home.