Last One Out

by Steph Nelson

It feels like if I give that sadness any space, it’ll take over and I’ll never be able to tame it again.

“You can’t hold it in forever. It’s not healthy. You don’t have to face it today, but you have to process it eventually. Your mom would want that.”

Amy and Kristi’s parents got closure. Their bodies were found at the site the next day. But not Chloe. Twenty-five years later and there’s still no trace of her.

At this point, being vulnerable with someone is like a foreign language I’d have to learn from scratch. Is there Duolingo for becoming fluent in intimacy?

It’s a classic case of someone who gives their best to everyone around them, but won’t offer the people close to them even a fraction of attention.

I fucking hate the world for the way it treats anyone who isn’t a man.

My therapist says I need to let emotions move through my body in order to process the trauma, so when the urge to cry appears, I allow myself to feel it. I tell myself I’m safe. We’re safe. I tell myself I am willing to feel anything in order to heal and to have my own back.