Himbo Hitman

by Saxon James

I tug on the elastic bracelet with plastic charms that I made with my mom when I was a kid

🍓 🙃 ☀️ ❤️

Worrying leads to wrinkles, and I’m already thirty. Thirty in gay years is practically ancient—I don’t need to look it as well.

Maths right for me

“How do I look?” Lars eyes me. “Like a horny guy who’s been denied his favorite dick treats.”

What 😂

when they call my order, I remember to answer to the wrong name. I’m already killing this thing. Pun intended.

Love you 😚 proud of you

For the love of Judge Judy, I can do this.

“Though I do wish you didn’t bleed all over the street. That’s going to be a bitch to clean up.”

You arnt going to be cleaning it anyways goof

the eye with the gun. “Why can’t you be dead already?” He makes a choking nose. “Am I supposed to apologize for that?” “It would make me feel at least a little better, if I’m honest.” “You shot me in the fucking ear!” “And I already apologized for that.”

This is too much lol

I really can’t be blamed for being so unsettled though. I’ve got the caffeine jitters, I’m on a high from making so many people happy this morning, and then his shockingly proportionate face shows up out of the blue, barely a foot away, when that shockingly proportionate face is supposed to be staying hidden.

Let’s start paying attention to your thoughts about this man

and it makes me all schmoopy to see someone who constantly challenges Margot and pulls her out of her shell.

Schmoopy 🤭

My thighs protest the climb, and my speed slows down significantly. If anyone ever did want to kill me, all they’d need to do is chase me up some stairs.

Amen

“Wait, wait, wait. You believe in aliens?” He blinks at me, stunned. “That makes them sound like they’re not real.” I almost choke. “Because they’re not.” “Sheesh,” he mutters. “No wonder someone wanted you dead.”

I love him

“They paid you?” “What?” he asks, this time sounding offended. “You were supposed to be dead. We pinky swore.” “Who’s stupid enough to take some crime lord’s money?” “In my defense, I didn’t know they were a crime lord.” The fact he thinks that’s a defense at all proves that he’s stupid enough. “They organized a hit on someone. That didn’t raise red flags with you?” He tries for another shrug. “Hey, man, we’re all just trying to get by out here. What’s one person’s red flag is another’s ideal quality.” “Again: organized hit. Crime lord. Those are not ideal qualities.” “Yeah, but don’t we all wish we could find someone who would kill for us?” “I’ve literally never wanted that a day in my life.” “Ah. Well. I am a romantic at heart, so …”

He does have a point here…. One persons 🚩 is another persons gimme gimme come a little closer

Lars turns to St. Clare. “Is this guy serious?” “I’m afraid he is.”

Sorry I’m attached we can’t exchange him now

“Lars is straight.” Then he runs those striking blue eyes over me. “And I’m single.” Well. Okay.

What he said

“So, what? He fucks you, then kills you?” I frown, disturbed by that image. “Come on. That man is clearly a bottom.” “My mistake. You fuck him, then he kills you.”

Lol my thoughts from the start

“What star sign are you?” Lars asks. “Aries, why?”

😍

He watches me, studying my face for a moment. “Why do you care?” “Why wouldn’t I?”

Oh sweet man!

St. Clare tilts his head in interest. “I didn’t say very.” “No.” Ignoring my nerves, I direct his head back around so I can keep working. “But I did.”

* singular Squeal*

Of course he could. “As long as I’m not expected to wear a tail or anything like that. I’m game to try it if that’s what you really want, but I have a hunch it’s not for me.”

I understand that in my core

“Together?”

🤦🏻‍♀️

“You also have no idea what words are coming out of your mouth and how they sound right now.” “I possibly lost consciousness around the word sexy.”

There hasn’t been a single conversation Perry is involved in that I haven’t laughed

Lars walks in, those melon-smuggling arms full of bags.

🍉 💪🏼

Soft lines and round pecs and broad shoulders at odds with his trim waist.

Whats that? Speak up! Did you just imply a slutty waist?!

“What was that for?” “Looked like you needed to come back to Earth.” St. Clare is gone—pity—so I turn my attention to Lars instead. “How do you know you’re straight?” He moves into the kitchen and starts putting everything away. Maybe I should help him, but this is an important discussion, and concentrating on more than one thing at a time isn’t my strong suit. “I have a best friend who’s gay, have never been all that concerned about labels, but when it comes to attraction, all I’ve ever been interested in is women.” “Right. That’s … conclusive. But tell me: what if it’s only ever women, and then, occasionally, you’ll see a guy who gives big Dom vibes, and that sort of does it for you?” He stares at me. “Wait. Wait, wait. Tell me … tell me you’re not talking about⁠—” “Shhh!” I throw a look back down the hall. “Maybe not professional will-spank-you Dom … just … would respectfully tell me what to do and be super confident and good in bed type of …” The words I’m saying suddenly catch up to me. “You know what? Forget I said anything.” “Wish I could.” “This never happened.”

This whole conversation 🤣

“No reason other than the fact the guy takes money to facilitate crime.” “Yeah, but he owns a labradoodle.”

It’s not solid logic but I do see how he got there

“Ah …” His hands are tucked behind him, and he taps his fingers against the door. “Wanted to … say hey.”

Babe! What r u doing?

“Well, why don’t you get through tomorrow, and then we’ll both go to the beach and learn how to skip rocks together?”

I dont think u can skip rocks at a beach. Can rocks be skipped in the ocean?

“So there’s, umm …” he whispers. “There’s one thing that I … that if I die, I’d sort of like to do first.”

Ur gonna kill me

Big, sweet, and beautifully dopey. I have no idea why my body has decided it’s suddenly obsessed with him, but I guess this is the torture I’m dealing with until further notice.

Im also obsessed with him if that helps

“You want to kiss me because you think you’re going to die?” “Actually, I want to kiss you because you have a very pretty mouth, and that gets my dick hard.”

My Love, the honesty makes it hard to look directly at the page.

I’m about to get up and storm out of the room when St. Clare pulls me back onto the bed almost as fast as I stand. Then he throws one leg over my waist, straddling my thighs, and like that, I’ve forgotten everything I was supposed to be doing.

Same. Empty head. No thoughts right now

I thought our kiss had been explosive. Turns out it was only explosive to me.

Oh just stop that st claire!

The way he’s rolled up his sleeves should be sponsoring porn sites everywhere.

I understand

Tommy, Arlie, and Everett have each other. St. Clare and Lars have each other. No matter how much I try, I don’t fit in with any of them.

😭

“I have my horoscopes.” Then he pumps his eyebrows at me. “And I’m hoping to get Perry on my good side so he’ll introduce me properly to Arlie.”

Ahhhhhh! Yes! U better work Lars!

“Wow,” he says after way too long. “I think I’m going to be good at this.”

🤣

It’s too fucking much. Perry is too fucking much.

Spitting truths

Judge Judy is always very clear on that. If it’s not agreed on, it’s not an agreement,

Wise wise words

Can’t do that. Other than the fact I don’t want to, there has to be something in gay code where exchanging blow jobs means you’re not allowed to give the other guy up for murder. So. Plan B.

I meannnn…. If it’s not part of the code maybe think about adding it?

If I’d known a career as a hitman was this hazardous, I never would have bothered in the first place.

Listen to yourself

the second he touches me because if I die like this, I’ll be dying fulfilling my true purpose. Being St. Clare’s plaything.

👀 🫨

Joke’s on St. Clare because I’m already greedy for anything he’ll give me. He doesn’t need to train me on it when I come with a built-in St. Clare simp upgrade.

this writing is just freaking funny

“Is your name.” I try to figure out where he’s going with that and come up empty. “My name?” “Yeah. I can’t for the life of me figure out how someone that’s as filthy as you are was sainted.” I stare at him, waiting for the meaning of what he’s saying to sink in. I’m still lost. “What?” “Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s awesome.

Do you think his first name is Claire and he has been sainted??????

Perry is one of those people who have the kind of soul that needs protecting. The kind that sees the best in people. The kind that doesn’t know how not to protect people and look after them.

We might be best friends, but we can’t be more different.

Thats the way it’s supposed to be

“Not sure I have a choice.” “You have a very good choice. Get the fuck out of this mess. You don’t want it.” “Sort of hard for me to do that when I was hired to kill a guy I’m now falling for and might have lied that the job was done when it wasn’t done, and so now I’m on the chopping block too.”

Good point

“I’m starting to think any day without you in it is a day wasted.”

I reach for my plate and grab a sandwich from my stack, then hold it out to him. “Eat.”

the stack!?!? How many did you make???

“If it helps, I feel really bad about this,” he says, voice cracking. “I promise you that I feel worse.” “Seems unlikely.” “Which of us is missing a body part, Perry?”

Honetly? Get your head out of your ass Reilly. I’m don’t with your ear getting shot sympathy and in this situation it has nothing to do with anything.

“I need a drink,” Lars says. “A big, strong drink.” “Hold on there, handsome,” Arlie says. “This guy might be okay, but we haven’t solved the Colin issue.”

Ah! She called u handsome!