How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science of Finding Love

by Logan Ury

happiness. If we’re in charge, then we have only ourselves to blame. We could fail, and then it would be our fault.

happiness. If we’re in charge, then we have only ourselves to blame. We could fail, and then it would be our fault.

When we are the authors of our own story and that story sucks, we have no one to blame but ourselves.

He didn’t lose weight; he lost a limiting identity.

questions. How does our relationship with our mom relate to our attachment style? If we find a healthier attachment now, does that mean we’re betraying or abandoning her?

And they’ve been happily married for more than

“Your homework is to focus on how you want to feel in your relationship.”

People who saw themselves as unlucky tensed up—because they expected the worst—and their anxiety prevented them from noticing unexpected opportunities. A lucky break was staring them in the face in a big bold font, but they couldn’t see it because of their negative outlook. Their mindset became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

listening to their intuition; expecting to be lucky; spotting chance opportunities; and rebounding more quickly when bad things happen.

Don’t pursue the wrong relationship because you met the “right” way.

Sometimes the presence of a spark is more an indication of how charming someone is—or how narcissistic—and less a sign of a shared connection.

But let’s say you’re certain you don’t want kids. And you go on a great first date that ends with your date gushing about her nieces and nephews and how she can’t wait to be a parent. I don’t care how gorgeous she is and how much you loved spending time with her—you two have fundamentally different plans for the future. That’s a dealbreaker.

“In some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning.”

maybe you were single and had a life full of excitement.

You designed your life, you held yourself accountable, you were honest with yourself about who you were and what you wanted, and most important, you course-corrected when you had to. You didn’t live someone else’s idea of life, you lived yours.