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Thinking of her was always like this: a rush of fondness, and then a bolt of fear. Love poems never seemed to include this thread of terror.
The urge to protect her fought brutally with the desire for her to be free. If he kept her contained because of his own fear, he would be no better than Ianto. No better than Myrddin.
She believed in fairies, in monsters, in magic, but she couldn’t believe that he loved her completely and without reserve? It made him tired, too. And mournful.
At last, he removed his hands from his face. His eyes were glazed and bright. “What’s wrong with me, Effy?”
Preston felt very weary. But this world held no escape hatch, no secret door in the wall. Here, he was mortal, and utterly at the whims of those who held power over him. And they kept pressing him, molding him, until he fit the shape that pleased them.
“Potentially ruining your life in the pursuit of esoteric knowledge is very academician of you,” Lotto said, nodding sagely. “I would expect nothing less from Preston Héloury. That said, this is quite a terrible idea, so I’m coming with you.”
“Please. I need you safe.” It was the first time he had articulated the sentiment so plainly. But as much as Effy tried, she could not receive it as love.
What a ruthless privilege it was, he thought, to love.
“If the soul of a nation requires an enemy, then it has no right to exist at all.”
She had dragged herself from the water, like a selkie to shore, and she was ready now at last to face the pain of it all. The aching of a mermaid’s first mortal breaths.
Angharad shook her head gently. “You are strong, Effy. Look at all that you’ve done. But no one survives this world alone. I certainly couldn’t. You two saved me.
she was his pipe dream, his castle in the air.
Let no one say that I am weak. I am fearful, and therefore brave. I am wounded, yet all the stronger for it. —from the diaries of Angharad Myrddin, 203 AD
Before the ocean is friend or foe, it simply is. And so are you.
In this world, Preston thought, you are a king. In this world that never was, and so would always be.
