Game Changer (Game Changers, #1)

by Rachel Reid

Kip didn’t spend nearly enough time with his dad. They lived in the same house, sure, but they never did stuff together anymore.

So many things could be shown instead of told, really wish this had a round of edits focused on that

He was equal parts excited about moving things back to Scott’s place, and touched that Scott had given him his access code.

Page after page of telling is killing me. Why not show us? Why announce the feeling on every page plz

When the song ended, Scott stepped back because he needed to look at him. He had to make sure that this wonderful man was really here. That he was actually his boyfriend. Kip smiled shyly at him, and Scott was momentarily paralyzed. “What is it?” Kip asked, barely above a whisper. Scott shook his head. “Sometimes I—” He exhaled, trying to slow the pounding of his heart. “I can’t believe you’re real.” As soon as the words were out, he blushed. What a stupid thing to say!

Just skip the first paragraph that explains the next half page in advance. It’s not hard, some people have heard of inferences.

He was wearing his own jeans and one of Scott’s New York Admirals hoodies. It was too big for him, but he loved wearing it. “Can I hold on to this?” he asked, tugging at the strings of the hoodie. “While you’re gone?”

Once again just show us don’t tell then half show. This book is so much longer and more spoon-fed than it needs to be

Scott smiled and kissed him.

No more touching for a while you guys keep boning and I’m skipping chunks of the book at this point

Scott yanked off all of his clothing in a frantic whirlwind.

NO. PACK AND LEAVE. YOU HAVE NO PERSONALITY AND THERE HAS BEEN ALMOST NO PLOT MOVEMENT. STOP HAVING SEX

But Scott’s mind wasn’t on the hunk filling the seat next to him; it was on the secret boyfriend that he’d left behind.

Yeah we know. Your only personality trait is “I wish I was having sex with Kip right now because instalove”

Spirits were high as the team enjoyed a meal together. Everyone was excited to have a superstar defenseman like Jalo on board. It helped that Jalo was a lot of fun. He was jovial and loud and loved to tell stories with his booming voice and lilting Finnish accent. He liked to drink beer and buy rounds (though Scott made sure there were only two rounds tonight, since they had a practice in the morning). Scott liked him. Everyone liked him.

Could’ve been an interesting scene we saw instead of being informed of it. Could’ve been a nice break from heart eyes hard cock Scott x Kip scenes nonstop

He was the boring, responsible one. The boring, responsible one who was going to call his fucking boyfriend right now!

Not the exclamation mark. Please, no.

Scott smiled at it. He loved him so much. Scott: Thank you. I love you.

You don’t have to tell us Scott loves him when the next line is literally Scott saying it. My god.

He led Scott to a door that said Meeting Room #3 on it. He unlocked the door and turned on the light. “Stay as long as you need,” he said. “The door will lock behind you.”

Is he going to get cum all over a meeting room?

“I love you.” “I love you.

The excessive sex scenes are just more annoying now with the excessive I love yous

What if he never went back to school and never got a better job and just stayed in Scott’s apartment, hidden away until Scott had time for him? Scott wouldn’t do that. He just needs time.

Uh I mean you are in control of going back to school not Scott?

And Elena had a point—he should at least try to do his master’s degree. Either that or find a better service industry job,

I mean yeah probably

“I have good news.” “Oh yeah?” “I, uh, I’m at the hotel in Winnipeg and I managed to get a room to myself.”

Oh no more sex

Kip laughed, but something unpleasant pinged inside him. In the apartment. Like always.

Sure this was going to happen but the pacing is so odd. After zero anything interesting for 50% the second Scott leaves town and they aren’t boning for a couple days Kip starts his anxiety to move the plot along. They were both just ecstatic 100% until then

Scott seemed to be a lot more comfortable than Kip was with their weird relationship. He very obviously loved coming home to Kip, always greeting him with a warm smile and a kiss. Even the most basic domestic activities like preparing food or watching television appeared to make him very happy.

Just write these scenes. Everything that isn’t sex is just summary paragraphs

It wasn’t unusual for Scott to not keep in touch. Not lately, anyway. The playoffs and everything leading up to them had understandably consumed him. He had apologized to Kip in advance for how little time he’d be able to give him, which was ridiculous.

Why do you keep spending every day alone in his penthouse instead of seeing your parents????

And then he became angry with himself, because why the fuck had he been waiting for Scott to come home? Why was this his life now? He used to go to the Kingfisher all the time—at least once a week. And he went out to clubs. And dinner with friends. And lunch with friends. And brunch with friends. Now he just left work and went to Scott’s apartment and waited for him to come home. And if Scott was away, he went to Scott’s apartment and watched television alone until he fell asleep.

THEN STOP SITTING IN HIS EMPTY APARTMENT ALONE DOING NOTHING EVERY DAY

“did you hear what your boyfriend was saying?” Scott nearly dropped his stick. “What?” “Rozanov. Mouthing off again.” “Oh.” He relaxed, feeling stupid. “Said he’ll feel bad about taking away your first Stanley Cup victory.” He rolled his eyes. “All right.” “Said he’d be nice and give you one of his rings.” “Charitable.”

The only good part of this book

“It’s getting quiet in here,” Rozanov said, feigning confusion. “Why is it so quiet? There are so many people here! It should be loud, yes?” “Shut up, Rozanov.” Scott bent to take the face-off against him. “It was loud earlier. But since we scored that fourth goal it has been quiet. Is weird, I think.”

“That was a cute move!” Rozanov chirped as he skated by Scott. “I fucking love old-timers hockey!” He nudged Scott, which prompted Scott to shove him. Hard. Rozanov stumbled backward, then moved like he was going to shove Scott right back. The referee, Hal Coleman, stepped in. “Come on, guys. Rozanov, stop being a dick. Hunter, stop listening to Rozanov.” “How many minutes would I get if I just killed him?” Scott grumbled as he watched Rozanov skate away. “I’d have to give you at least ten,” Hal said dryly. “Not worth it in the playoffs.”

“Is that it?” Scott asked. “Is what it?” “Elena moving. Is that the only reason your day sucked?” Now Kip was getting angry. “It’s a pretty good reason.” “I know… Just… I have to go. We’re heading to the airport…” “Sure. Yeah. Sorry.” “Don’t be—” Scott sighed. “I’ll talk to you later, all right?”

As soon as Scott stops winning he’s a jerk, huh?

“Don’t worry, old man,” Rozanov said with a grin, “I know you must be getting tired. I’ll make sure you lose so you can get started on your summer vacation.”

“I feel like I’ve done something wrong,” Scott started. “Being with someone is new for me and I’m pretty sure I’m screwing it up. But I can’t figure out exactly what I’ve done, so I was hoping you could tell me.” Kip turned quickly to face him. “You haven’t done anything,” he said honestly.

Okay that’s a lie, he was a total unsupportive asshole when you shared bad news about your friend. He could’ve told you when he was free to talk more or anything

I just wait here. In your penthouse.” He swept a hand across the spacious living room for emphasis. “I hole up here alone and imagine what it would be like to be able to go on normal dates with you, or to, I don’t know, tell my parents that I have a boyfriend!” “Tell them!” Scott yelled.

They really could’ve talked about not going public but meeting his parents. This sucks for Kip but he also chose to just sit completely alone for weeks in the apartment when dude wasn’t even in the state

And for a second, Kip was too stunned, too confused, too drunk to do anything but kiss him back. Kyle was a good kisser.

Uh oh

He had just been trying to tuck Kip wherever he would fit into his ridiculous, high-profile life. He didn’t think he had been unreasonable, asking Kip to be patient with him while he figured out a plan. There was no way Kip should expect him to just announce his sexuality to the world. They had only been dating a few months.

Yeah a reasonable conversation would’ve solved a lot of this, you boring sex fiends

“Do you have any food-service experience?” Kip laughed. “Yeah. That’s about all I have.” “The Kingfisher needs a new server.” “Really?” Kip considered this. It would still be food service, but it might be cool working at his favorite pub.

What an easy solution someone solved for Kip who does nothing for himself.

“Will you stay here?” Scott asked. “Tonight?”

Time to skip to the next chapter god it’s just so much sex

“Thank god,” Huff said. “I thought you were gonna say you were secretly dating Rozanov.” “Rozanov wishes,” Scott said.

“Thank you, Coach.” They shook hands, and Murdock said, “It’s not Rozanov, is it?” “Jesus. No! Why does everyone—?” “Good. I don’t need that kind of circus.”

So much for being subtle.

This whole fucking book is allergic to subtext

“Rozanov?” he asked. Ilya Rozanov grinned lazily as Scott headed toward him. “What are you doing here?” Scott shouted over the music. Rozanov shrugged. “Wanted to see what Scott Hunter Night was. Is not as bad as it sounds.” Scott snorted and shook his head. “Did you really come to a gay bar in Vegas just to make fun of me?” Rozanov ignored his question, and instead swept a hand through the air and said, “So. This is you now?” Scott wasn’t exactly sure what he meant, but he nodded. “This is me. I mean, this has always been me. But now I’m…better at being me.” Rozanov seemed to consider this. “Is good. What you did. It will be good for…others.” There was something in Rozanov’s eyes that caught Scott’s attention. He hadn’t ever seen that look on his face before. Was it gratitude, maybe? “I hope so,” Scott said.