The Answer Is No

by Fredrik Backman

But Lucas? He’s just happy. It wasn’t even particularly difficult. All he did was to remove the one thing that makes almost all people unhappy: other people.

And do you, dear reader, happen to know what the reason for all this therapy is? That we have company.

He would rather be hit by a truck than be in your group chat.

the great virus of civilization: neighbors.

Then Head One stares at Lucas so viciously that the hairs on Lucas’s arms stand up, and then the head says the absolute most terrifying thing a grown man in an apartment building can ever hear: “You know, we are always looking for new board members.”

Lucas shudders, because “responsibility” and “commitment” are actually two of the easiest ways of ruining any perfectly good day.

This is when Lucas does something very, very stupid: he tries to be constructive and solve the problem. Any middle manager on the planet could of course have told him that this is a terrible decision,

“They weren’t very good at fighting. I mean, it was a lactose intolerant versus a gluten allergic. I think they hurt each other worse with their farts than with their fists.

He doesn’t think much about death. Not much about life either. He has found that the easiest way to be happy is to think about time in about eight-hour increments, and to always have something to look forward to at the end of those hours: pad thai, video games, wine. Small, great things. But then again, Lucas has never loved a cat, so what does he really know about life?

Lucas hears himself saying. It’s like he can’t control his mouth anymore, as if he’s becoming social. He shudders like the word is a terrible disease.

For a short moment, Lucas thinks that this strange feeling he is experiencing is a fever. Maybe he’s coming down with a cold? But then he realizes it’s something much, much worse. It’s empathy.

If you ask people what they think, they start thinking, and that’s how wars start.

One day you’re a happy, whole person, and the next day you’re forced into the most horrible thing on earth: making decisions.