Never Eat Alone, Expanded and Updated: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time

by Keith Ferrazzi

community, the most valuable form of social capital—the intimate, supportive relationships that spur collaboration while deeply satisfying our human need for connection, belonging, and meaning.

Everyone has something to teach. Everyone has something to learn.

The unexpected moments are often the most meaningful. Embrace them.

Today’s most valuable currency is social capital, defined as the information, expertise, trust, and total value that exist in the relationships you have and social networks to which you belong.

SUCCESS IN LIFE = (THE PEOPLE YOU MEET) + (WHAT YOU CREATE TOGETHER).

We are the people we interact with.

Relationship development and social savoir faire require active learning. If you wait until you’re a master to dive in, you’ll waste months or years, if you ever get started.

Poverty, I realized, wasn’t only a lack of financial resources; it was isolation from the kind of people who could help you make more of yourself.

life, like golf, is a game, and that the people who know the rules, and know them well, play it best and succeed.

And the rule in life that has unprecedented power is that the individual who knows the right people, for the right reasons, and utilizes the power of these relationships, can become a member of t...

your past need not be prologue to your future.

Success in any field, but especially in business, is about working with people, not against them.

came to see reaching out to people as a way to make a difference in people’s lives as well as a way to explore and learn and enrich my own;

real networking was about finding ways to make other people more successful. It was about working hard to give more than you get.

It’s never boring. Time-consuming, sometimes; demanding, perhaps. But dull, never. You’re always learning about yourself, other people, business, and the world, and it feels great.

2. A relationship-driven career is good for the companies you work for because everyone benefits from your own growth—it’s the value you bring that makes people want to connect with you. You feel satisfaction when both your peers and your organization share in your advancement.

because today’s primary currency is information, a wide-reaching network is one of the surest ways to become and remain thought leaders of our respective fields.

Once you’re committed to reaching out to others and asking for their help at being the best at whatever you do, you’ll realize, as I have, what a powerful way of accomplishing your goals this can be.

it will lead to a much fuller, richer life, surrounded by an ever-growing, vibrant network of people you care for and who care for you.

You’ve got to be more than willing to accept generosity. Often, you’ve got to go out and ask for it.”

Until you become as willing to ask for help as you are to give it, however, you are only working half the equation.

connecting. It’s a constant process of giving and receiving—of asking for and offering help. By putting people in contact with one another, by giving your time and expertise and sharing them freely, the pie gets bigger for everyone.

The more people you help, the more help you’ll have and the more help you’ll have helping others.

More than ever before, zero-sum scenarios where only one party wins often mean, in the long run, that both parties will lose.

Win-win has become a necessary reality in a networked world.

we’re not just connected to others. We are the very product of the people and networks to which we are connected.

Who you know determines who you are—how you feel, how you act, and what you achieve.

“Hey, Ray. Who do you know in the entertainment world that I can talk to for some advice about breaking into the industry? You know any people who’d be open for a short lunch?”

After a good deal of back-and-forth, I asked David a question. “I’m thinking about transitioning into the entertainment industry at some point. Is there anyone you know who you think could lend some helpful advice?”

relationships are more like muscles—the more you work them, the stronger they become.

Relationships are solidified by trust. Institutions are built on it. You gain trust by asking not what people can do for you, to paraphrase an earlier Kennedy, but what you can do for others.

It’s better to give before you receive. And never keep score. If your interactions are ruled by generosity, your rewards will follow suit.

yesterday’s assistant is today’s influence peddler.

The more specific you are about what you want to do, the easier it becomes to develop a strategy to accomplish it.

Part of that strategy, of course, is establishing relationships with the people in your universe who can help you get where you’re going.

make setting goals a habit.

Step One: Find Your Passion

“A goal is a dream with a deadline.”

Before you start writing down your goals, you’d better know what your dream is. Otherwise, you might find yourself headed for a destination you never wanted to get to in the first place.

figuring out where our talents and desires intersect.

That intersection is what I call your “blue flame”—where passion and ability come together.

All good decisions, I’m convinced, come from good information. Deciding on your passion, your bliss, your blue flame is no different.

There are two aspects to getting good information. One part comes from within you; the other part comes from those around you.

The important thing when conducting an internal review is to do without the constraints, without the doubts, fears, and expectations of what you “should” be doing.

When I’m in the right frame of mind, I start to create a list of dreams and goals. Some are preposterous; others are overly pragmatic. I don’t attempt to censor or edit the nature of the list—I put anything and everything down.

Next to that first list, I write down in a second column all the things that bring me joy and pleasure: the achievements, people, and things that move me. The clues can be found in the hobbies you pursue and the magazines, movies, and books you enjoy.

When I’m done, I start to connect these two lists, looking for intersections, that sense of direction or purpose.

Next, ask the people who know you best what they think your greatest strengths and weaknesses are. Ask them what they admire about you and what areas you may need help in.

Our achievements grow according to the size of our dreams and the degree to which we are in touch with our mission.

The transformation of a dream into reality requires hard work and discipline.