So Happy Together

by Olivia Worley

He did this exact pose in his newest profile photo, the one he added a week after breaking things off with me because we were too serious. That’s what he said in the text, two days after we had sex for the first time.

Oh so he's a little bitch then

Eight weekends of Friday night first dates at this bar, just a few blocks from Colin’s apartment, waiting for the day when he would be here to see me moving on.

Ok so you're insane then

It’s a dating app message from Axel. Thanks for ditching, bitch I bet your plays suck

LMAO that was super rude of her tho

When Zoe releases me, I understand two things: this party is a lot smaller than I was anticipating, and Colin is not happy to see me.

Obviouslyyy

I still can’t quite explain it, what was so special about sleeping with Colin. The sex itself—the first and only time we had it—wasn’t particularly mind-blowing, at least not if we’re using the goal-oriented metric of orgasm. That has always felt weirdly militaristic to me, anyway, like we’re just checking something off a to-do list, no pun intended. I didn’t come.

GIRL PLEASE GET UP

Someone asked me to hang out. As a friend. That hasn’t happened in a long time. It’s a shame, really, that I’ll have to ruin it.

GIRL BOOOOO

You didn’t just agree to go out with Ben because you felt pressured into it, did you?” I’m so caught off guard that it takes me a few seconds to respond. “No,” I say. “Not at all.” It’s not technically a lie. It wasn’t that I was pressured. It’s that I’m using Ben to shake Colin awake and force him out of his state of denial, but I can’t exactly come out and say that to his girlfriend.

She is so delusional

And here I am, jumping to conclusions, when there could be a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this—like, maybe Leigh is just a jealous ex. If she’s obsessing over Colin, stalking him, then that could drive anyone to the explosion of anger I witnessed in the stairwell.

Oh like you're doing

Ben and I sit first, and I watch Colin hesitate for a moment at the open seat next to me. My heart thuds, my whole body aching suddenly for the warmth of his side against mine, but at the last second, he steps back, gesturing for Zoe to take the seat. My heart sinks. It’s fine, I tell myself.

You are CRAZY

I can do this. It feels a little wrong, maybe—no one in a healthy relationship should ever feel like they have to go through their significant other’s phone—but

HES NOT EVEN WITH YOU, you WEIRDO

I hear the door swing open. I spin around, head rushing with the certainty that it’s Colin, that he’s caught me. But it’s not him. It’s Zoe. “Is everything okay?” she asks. “You looked—” And then, before she can finish, her eyes land on the phone in my hand.

I hope she beats your ass

Colin looks between us, and a line deepens between his eyebrows, tugging his face into something like a frown. He’s just thrown off that the two of us are hanging out, I decide—his girlfriend-but-soon-to-be-ex and his ex-but-soon-to-be-girlfriend. In fairness, it is kind of weird.

her delusions know no bounds

His hand brushes mine as I take the cup, and I wonder if he feels it, too—a little jolt, warm and heady. For once, I’m not sure if he does. But then, there: his hand buried in his sleeve, fist tightening around the fabric, like he’s trying to protect himself. Like he’s afraid of what will happen if we touch again.

Yeah pretty sure you disgust him actually but ok

“Colin—” “Can you leave me alone? I don’t know what your aim is here, what you think I want, but I swear to god, Jane—just leave us alone.” He shoves me back with one arm, not hard, but it’s surprising enough that I stumble a few steps.

WELL DAMN

Then, I catch the glint of glasses, and I know what some part of me already knew, that string plucked somewhere inside of me whenever he’s near. Colin.

OH SHIT IS THIS A TRAP

He leans in, and I close my eyes, listening to the river, bracing for oblivion. His mouth crashes into mine with such urgency that at first, I can’t fully grasp what’s happening.

What IS happening??:

It strikes me as fallible in the same way the concept of God does: What kind of world would that be, if there’s some divine being letting children be murdered in their classrooms, letting them be born at all to parents who never wanted them, who know only how to hurt?

But here, now, with my head resting on Colin’s bare chest and his arms around me, both of us breathing together, I’m sure I believe in a certain kind of soulmate: the one you choose.

YOURE INSANEEEEE

“I missed this,” I say finally. “I missed you.” He kisses me again, and it’s like sinking into warm water. “Me, too,” he says. And then, after another breath, his heart against my ear: “Maybe you should go, though.” I turn to look at him, a little part of me breaking, but then I understand. He needs a chance to end it with Zoe. And I need to get out of here before Ben gets home.

OR HE WAS JUST USING YOU

I push the door open, and there. What I already knew I’d see, made real and unmistakable. Ben, crumpled on the floor, blood spilling out of the gash on his neck into a dark pool. His eyes are open, lifeless. And standing over him is Colin, the knife in his hand dripping bright red tears.

And watch her still idolize him

Okay, clearly Colin’s issues run a little deeper than I thought.

OH NOW YOU REALIZE THAT

I believe that he’s in a state of shock, and he believes it, and what kind of girlfriend would I be if I started harping on facts when he’s standing over his dead childhood friend?

Not his girlfriend!

“We’re going to be okay,” I whisper. “I promise.” When he pulls me tighter to him, I know I’ve never believed anything more.

I hope he double crosses you

First, I go for Colin’s phone password. When that doesn’t work, I try a sudden whim: adding Leigh’s name at the beginning. I’m in.

UM RED FLAG

“Colin called the police, and they’re here, but he can’t stay here because it’s—” Another wet sniff. “It’s a crime scene. We’re going to head back to my place.”

SEE BITCH HE STILL IS USING YOU

I can’t even respond, not with the hurt still reverberating through me. Colin asked Zoe to come, and he didn’t even text me, when I’m the one who helped him cover up a murder. I’m the one he was inside of last night. Anger burns hot and fast, but I try to force it down.

Girl...

If you don’t see “delivered” under your text, it may mean the recipient has blocked your number. Blood rushes in my ears. What the fuck? Panicked, I call him again. Voicemail. Again. Voicemail.

Oh he's gonna frame you fr

And then, there he is, standing on the second-floor landing with a sleepy look, and I want to rush up there and throw my arms around his shoulders, tell him it’s all going to be all right. He sees Zoe, and his face melts into relief, only to harden into cool surprise when his gaze drifts to me. “Jane?” he asks. “What are you…”

SEE GIRL HE DON'T WANT YOU

Colin’s weird and cagey around me because we slept together, staged a crime scene, and now I’m here, watching as he pretends he’s not about to break up with her.

Bitch thats not happening

“Fine,” he snaps. “You want to talk? How about the fact that Jane fucking followed us here?” I freeze, gripping the box so tightly its edges nearly cut into my palms.

Seee he doesnt want you AT ALL

“Come on,” she says. “We’ll find him after. You don’t want to miss this.” There’s something in her voice, the willow-green flash of her eyes, that makes dread pool in my stomach, rising like a flood as she pulls me toward the door. Once we’re a few steps away, she lets go. “Go ahead,” she says. Her smile is small and demure, a porcelain-doll smile, like she’s suddenly embarrassed or worried I won’t like whatever’s waiting inside. She adds, at a whisper: “This part’s just for you.”

OH SHE KNOWSSSS SHE SLEPT WITH HER BOYFRIEND

Zoe took these. All of them. This whole time, I’ve thought I had the upper hand, thought I was the one doing the watching. But she was watching right back.

So they're both crazy

Because now, I understand. Leigh isn’t wearing my necklace. I’m wearing hers. And Zoe gave it to me.

UMMMMM

Zoe has been watching me, taking me under her wing, all in the name of turning me into a dead girl reincarnated.

But WHY

“A person who loves you doesn’t start messaging someone else on a dating app when you’re together. A person who loves you doesn’t break things off after six dates.” It’s not malicious, not even pleading. She says it simply. “Jane, he doesn’t love you.”

LITERALLY