Scythe & Sparrow

by Brynne Weaver

If you hit someone in the back of the head hard enough, you can pop their eyeballs right out of their face.

and then he shoves half his hot dog into his fuck-ugly gob before he takes another swig. I could whack that big ol’ egghead so hard his marbles spring right out of their sockets.

This way to your violent death. And like any idiot in any horror film ever made, I follow it,

“You look like a TV doctor. Dr. McSpicy or something. What are your credentials?”

“Doc is definitely one of those CrossFit guys. My husband calls him Dr. Beast Mode.”

And oh holy fuck, but he’s ten times hotter than I remember from the first time we met.

At least until I realize I probably look about as appealing as a bag of dicks.

“Good. Then why don’t you pack up some of your essentials and we get the fuck out of here. This place gives me Children of the Corn vibes,”

“Ta-da, motherfucker.”

His half-lidded eyes are pleading. “Don’t look at me like that,” I snarl. “You know you’re a piece of shit.”

“Did you . . . kill him?” “Umm, yes. But he’s not a good guy.” “And you called me to help you to what . . . get rid of him?”

“I got a little stuck. And you specifically said, ‘Any trouble whatsoever, call me.’ This is ‘trouble whatsoever.’” “I didn’t mean killing someone and disposing of their body.” “I did the killing part. I just need a little help with the disposal.”

“It wasn’t really by choice. But I’d take a raccoon to the face for you any day, Rose Evans.”

“So cute yet so murdery,” I say, stuffing the gloves in my back pocket. “I think we’re kindred spirits, Barbara.” She growls.

“Except for right now. With all due respect, Dr. Kane,” I say as I fold one hand behind his head, “shut the fuck up and eat my pussy.”

“Good girl,” he says,

What the fuck am I doing? I know what I’m not doing. I’m not fucking stopping.

Rose knows what she wants. And it’s intoxicating to know that what she wants is me.

Yeah . . . cum kink. It’s kind of my thing.”

“I trust you, Fionn.”

“Just because you finger fucked me on a plane doesn’t mean I want to get married, Dr.

“It’s okay to love your darkness and still love yourself. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you a whole one.”

OMFG!!!! ?? Rowan motherfucking Kane just broke up with Sloane, that fucking piece of shit. I’m gonna kill him. Man-guy?! Are you fucking for real? I’m going to knife that fucker in the balls. You take the balls, I’ll go for the throat. Sloane will want the eyes. Good. I hate the eyes.

“Help him to what, exactly? Un-die? Good luck with that.”

when it comes to Fionn Kane, I will break every rule.

I’m in love with Fionn Kane. And it’s too late to ever tell him.

“But—” “I love you, Fionn Kane.”

“You look like you’re regretting your life choices,” Sloane says as she turns the engine off. “Maybe one or two.” “Then I’ll leave you with this lovely reminder that every time you try to take your teasing a little too far, karma comes along to bitch-slap you in the ball sack.”