The Beekeeper

by S.M. Shade

This is what’s fundamentally wrong with me as a person. I’m a ball of anxiety at a crowded restaurant or when the self-checkout yells at me about unexpected items, or for no reason whatsoever like today, but following a mysterious guy into a graveyard at dusk? Perfectly fine.

“Did you rent out your brain today? If so, they paid too much.”

She sees the world like I do, like an artist, and I could fall in love with her too goddamned easily.

We claim to be friends, but I know friends don’t look at each other the way we do. They don’t touch each other the way we do or cuddle together on the couch to watch TV like we’re doing right now.

“I know. I’m sorry. I know this isn’t what you want.” He’s on his feet immediately, pacing to the window and back. “What I want,” he scoffs. Frustration drives his hand through his hair. His strides eat up the floor, closing the distance between us. Surprised, I retreat a step until my back hits the wall. He pinches my chin, his eyes burning into mine. “I want to kiss you until neither of us can breathe.” He leans in, sliding the tip of his nose along my jaw. “I want to peel off your clothes, taste your skin, explore every trace of you with my tongue. It’s all I can think about. I want to hear you moan for me and see your face when I make you come.” He leans to warm my ear with his heated words. “What I want is to throw you in my bed and fuck you and fuck you and fuck you.”

You don’t just shine, Calliope, you blind me with it.”

“In my experience, the calm kind-hearted guys are wild in the bedroom and savagely protective if you’re in danger. Quiet hearts are soaked in love, and the passion that comes from them can be addictive.”

“Do you think a platonic friendship is possible when one person feels more?”

Love and obsession walk a thin line inside me. When I love something, I’ll let it take over my life.

How can the night feel so empty and heavy at the same time?

“You’re not wrong about love being used to control women and get us to sacrifice for everyone else.”

“I think love is what we are at our core before the world puts its hands on us. I don’t know if it’s negative or positive or somewhere in-between, but it’s human. It’s what we do, what we’re best at.”

“You see the good in people no matter how deeply you have to look.”

I got away as early as I could, but it messed me up more than I realized. She was such an awful person and I inherited some of that.” “No.” The word spills out of my mouth as I pull her into my arms, but she cuts off my argument. “Yes, I did. Since I was a teenager, I’ve focused on trying to be a better person. To be the opposite of her. But she’s in me, like a virus with no cure. My gut reaction is not kindness or compassion or love. I’m not naturally good-hearted the way you are. I’m still learning to be a good person.

I’m drowning in him with no desire to save myself.

As the welcoming dark pulls me under, I feel his lips on my forehead. They feel like love.

“I love you to the edges of my sanity. If I felt any more, there’d be nothing of me left, only you filling the space.”

I’ve always been a solitary person. People don’t come easy to me. They never have. But you…” He brushes his fingers down my cheek. “Loving you came as easy as nightfall.”