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The thought of hearing her being fucked ignites two fires within me
Well, I fucked up. I’ll never be able to wipe the image of Wes’s charming smirk before he gave me the best sexual experience of my life. It wasn’t even the fact that I came absurdly hard — it was everything. The slow, methodical way he worked me up, the way he read my movements and changed how he touched me.
“I lost my virginity to Dylan and he pretended that nothing happened when I called him out for being with another girl at lunch. And I went with Scott to prom. He dry-humped me in his parents’ BMW, came on my dress, and drove me home. Same deal — started dating some other girl whose name I don’t even remember the very next day and we had a horrible argument over it. But it really fucking hurt.”
“Yeah.” She takes a shuddering breath, a tear escaping. I wipe it away. “The abbreviated version is that I worked with him on his cocktail recipe blog for years and really blew it up — he got to a million followers on Instagram too. I did everything, right down to the recipes, and he just added a little flair at the end. I was so delusional thinking we were working together.”
I hate this. I fucking hate him. Her walls have fallen
and crumbled into dust, but instead of seeing even more glimpses of the fun, smartass woman who’s always kept me on my toes, I see a woman who’s been fucked over by a smug asshole who should have been the guy she could trust with everything. A woman who’s been hurt by a lot of shitheads.
Reading this book isn’t helping either — I’m right at the smutty part, and reading that right next to the guy who I’m actively trying to not fling myself at? Not the best idea I’ve ever had. I end up staring blankly at the screen, wanting to read on, but knowing the further I get, the wetter I’ll become.
I can’t believe I called her my good girl while we were at the cabin the other day. But fuck, these feelings are too much. It’s either the feeling of being with her, or the worry about whether she’s getting the fucking message that I’m into her. Or worrying about whether she’s over that whole ‘never going to date again’ thing.
I’ve been falling for him for a while too, and the realization is like ice water down my back. How did I end up doing the exact opposite from what I planned? What about the version of me who was gung-ho about making a name for myself — without anyone else? I still want to succeed and take back what I should have had before.
I can’t bring myself to give him the bullshit lie that I can’t do or want a relationship. Because god, I do. I want mornings like this with breakfast, goofing off after shifts, and hanging out on the couch with Murphy while watching stupid TV shows. I want to laugh at his dumb jokes and see his pleasure that he made me laugh. And I don’t even have words to describe our sexual chemistry. It feels like it could work.

