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I feel seasick at the thought of him. Nauseated and off-balance.
according to his Instagram, he’s in New York, working on some “exciting new projects!” Gross.
I’m no better than the rest of them, really.
the passions of young girls are worth nurturing no matter how frivolous they may
I almost forget to be angry about having to defend myself for being cheated on. During a job interview.
Someday, this part of my life will be a long time ago.
They toured and recorded, toured and recorded, in an endless loop.
The world wasn’t over. Just . . . different than it had been.
henley
No
my traitorous nipples.
No!
presumptuous,”
Stop
These aren’t talking points to him. They’re his life.
I don’t think you should have to be lucky to have a roof over your head and three meals a day.
“I like that. To hear that.”
“I’m a pop singer,” he says. “I can handle earnest.”
Eww
the world rarely ends when you think it will.”
I’ve already survived one end of the world. Don’t I get to have a little fun in the afterlife?
“You really like weddings, huh?” “Sure,” he says. “That’s what I like.”
But just so you know, I do like dancing. I’m not very good at it. But I like it.”
“I’m not doing anything for a photo.”
And the truth is, I got married because I thought it was next up on the adulthood checklist.
I was so bold back then. I only ever looked forward, at what I wanted.
In order to dance, you have to forget to worry about whether you look stupid.
for purchase,
Nope
beautiful hands, beautiful dick.
Nope!
I’ve been thinking about this longer than I’m willing to admit.”
in earnest,
Stop
I cut out alcohol and clean out my closet. I wipe down my countertops and drink lots of water.
Me
“How obvious is it?” “Oh, you’re both total goners.”
“We’re friends,” is what I say out loud. “Friends who fucked.” “But just once!”
I’m thirty-five, not twenty-two, I want to tell her. I am too old to be patronized like this
Me at work
if I have to spend more time around him, forced to look but not touch, I might lose my mind.
“I’ve always been political. I’ve recently started being public about my politics.”
“I didn’t expect a personal greeting.” Like I was going to miss this.
You are what I need
Stay. Tell me you see through me. That you want my problems to be your problems.
I can’t believe I’m not doing everything in my power to keep him here.
But I can’t be friends, and I can’t be whatever this is either.
How was I supposed to know this meant this much to you if you’re just telling me now?
I was a prodigy, but I’ve used up my luck and talent, and this is me now:
You are not this one thing you did.
If I told you I was on my way to New York to see you . . . would that be flattering or presumptuous?
A log crackles and sighs. I’m pretty sure my body does the same.
this is special. And you walked away from it.”
and I have never, ever wanted to be just friends.”
👍🏻
“All yours,” I promise him. “All yours.”
