Big Fan: A Modern Romance
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Read between June 10 - June 14, 2025
3%
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I feel seasick at the thought of him. Nauseated and off-balance.
3%
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according to his Instagram, he’s in New York, working on some “exciting new projects!” Gross.
4%
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I’m no better than the rest of them, really.
7%
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the passions of young girls are worth nurturing no matter how frivolous they may
10%
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I almost forget to be angry about having to defend myself for being cheated on. During a job interview.
10%
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Someday, this part of my life will be a long time ago.
17%
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They toured and recorded, toured and recorded, in an endless loop.
20%
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The world wasn’t over. Just . . . different than it had been.
27%
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henley
Sarah McCrackin
No
27%
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my traitorous nipples.
Sarah McCrackin
No!
28%
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presumptuous,”
Sarah McCrackin
Stop
29%
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These aren’t talking points to him. They’re his life.
29%
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I don’t think you should have to be lucky to have a roof over your head and three meals a day.
30%
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“I like that. To hear that.”
30%
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“I’m a pop singer,” he says. “I can handle earnest.”
Sarah McCrackin
Eww
33%
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the world rarely ends when you think it will.”
33%
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I’ve already survived one end of the world. Don’t I get to have a little fun in the afterlife?
34%
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“You really like weddings, huh?” “Sure,” he says. “That’s what I like.”
34%
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But just so you know, I do like dancing. I’m not very good at it. But I like it.”
34%
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“I’m not doing anything for a photo.”
37%
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And the truth is, I got married because I thought it was next up on the adulthood checklist.
40%
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I was so bold back then. I only ever looked forward, at what I wanted.
43%
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In order to dance, you have to forget to worry about whether you look stupid.
48%
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for purchase,
Sarah McCrackin
Nope
49%
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beautiful hands, beautiful dick.
Sarah McCrackin
Nope!
49%
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I’ve been thinking about this longer than I’m willing to admit.”
50%
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in earnest,
Sarah McCrackin
Stop
57%
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I cut out alcohol and clean out my closet. I wipe down my countertops and drink lots of water.
Sarah McCrackin
Me
63%
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“How obvious is it?” “Oh, you’re both total goners.”
63%
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“We’re friends,” is what I say out loud. “Friends who fucked.” “But just once!”
64%
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I’m thirty-five, not twenty-two, I want to tell her. I am too old to be patronized like this
Sarah McCrackin
Me at work
65%
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if I have to spend more time around him, forced to look but not touch, I might lose my mind.
68%
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“I’ve always been political. I’ve recently started being public about my politics.”
72%
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“I didn’t expect a personal greeting.” Like I was going to miss this.
79%
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You are what I need
80%
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Stay. Tell me you see through me. That you want my problems to be your problems.
80%
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I can’t believe I’m not doing everything in my power to keep him here.
81%
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But I can’t be friends, and I can’t be whatever this is either.
81%
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How was I supposed to know this meant this much to you if you’re just telling me now?
81%
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I was a prodigy, but I’ve used up my luck and talent, and this is me now:
88%
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You are not this one thing you did.
89%
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If I told you I was on my way to New York to see you . . . would that be flattering or presumptuous?
90%
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A log crackles and sighs. I’m pretty sure my body does the same.
90%
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this is special. And you walked away from it.”
90%
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and I have never, ever wanted to be just friends.”
Sarah McCrackin
👍🏻
92%
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“All yours,” I promise him. “All yours.”