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“Deal.” I can’t wipe the smile from my face. I’m going to hell.
The first official meetup of the Queer Collective for this charity event is being hosted at Dex and Tripp Mitchell’s penthouse.
Like he’s queer out of spite. Obviously, I know that’s not how sexuality works, but I like to think spite and being petty controls the universe that way, and I’m low-key proud of my little brother for making it work for him.
and the man I’ve been in love with since I was about twelve years old. Knox Addison.
When I joined the Collective, I was warned they could be a lot. Well, Collective, meet Connor Kikishkin and the man I will never have a chance with because of him.
Being murdered isn’t on my list of things to do today.
“Now that we’ve established Knox is butt-ugly, can you all stop hitting on him?” Easton asks. “Maybe I was enjoying being hit on.” I make sure that no one can mistake my words for anything but a joke, but Easton turns his pretty gray glare on me. I eat my words fast. “Ah, I mean. Bad hockey players. Don’t do that. Hit on Connor instead.”
I’m sure I look so horrible everyone suspects I’m going to puke at any minute, and the bloodthirsty journalists will probably ask why. It’ll take everything in me not to snark, “Because I’m pregnant.”
He’s so pretty he makes my heart stop.
Which is moot in my case because Knox doesn’t want me. He’ll never want me. We’ll never happen. I need to get that through my thick skull.
There’s unlikely to be any fights in this game either—unless Asher Dalton decides to fight his own teammate—so it should be the easiest game I’ve ever worked.
“Please. Like you would ever choose my brothers over me.” I’m not at all surprised he thinks that way, and for some reason, it pisses me off. Because I want to choose East over him, but I can’t.
It takes every bit of my patience to be the adult out here when I’m the one who nearly lost his shit laughing the first time Ezra shouted the very inappropriate but most Ezra thing to ever Ezra.
Dex comes face-to-face with his husband, not for the first time this game, feints right, shoots— And Tripp snatches that puck out of the air like a goddamn ninja, denying him again.
“I’m mildly offended that you don’t think I could take on Oskar,” Anton throws back. “And of the two of us, you’re the pretty one. Should I be protecting you?” Ezra pretends to swoon. “My man is so romantic.”
Everyone starts behaving themselves again, playing clean, fixed on that next goal, and I get a peaceful minute or two until Connor flattens Ezra into the boards right beside me. “Harder, Daddy,” Ezra taunts, and I facepalm. This is going to be a long game.
Foster goes first for their team, and the puck lands in Miles’s glove. Miles stands and flips the puck in the cockiest way possible.
I don't know what it is about miles (other than being a goalie) but he reminds me of jeremy swayman
When I’d watch hockey as a kid and saw this ritual, I used to always think, “Now kiss!” It never happened. Until now. Bilson, who’s in front of me and is Miles’s partner, goes that step further and kisses his man.
“I’m a whore for cuddles, what can I say?” Miles says.
Connor scares everyone. This is why I’m perpetually single. I’m sure never having been interested in a relationship with anyone other than Knox hasn’t helped my case, but I’m going to go with the Connor thing.
“Well, there’s still over a month before that happens, so until then, what can I do to make the interference up to you?” A sly look crosses East’s face. “No, we’re not sleeping together to fulfill some decade-old crush.”
I’m also very, very aware that even thinking about this makes me the worst friend in existence, but … I’ve been strong. East is not an easy man to resist, and I’ve done it for so long, I’m tired. I want this. Just this once. To finally know what he tastes like. To finally know if my fantasies measured up.
My heart is racing over the thought of finally getting to touch the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. But am I brave enough to do it?
The second our lips touch, I’m terrified because that’s all the time it takes to know that I’ve made the worst mistake of my life.
And that’s your dream man being everything you imagined. His fingers tangle in my hair, mouth clinging to mine with the same desperation I have in my chest. Easton Kikishkin is kissing me like he never wants to stop, and somehow, I have to find the strength to make that happen.
I ease back slowly, and as Easton tries to follow, I laugh. “That was one hell of a kiss,” I say without meaning to. His eyes blink open. “I’ll say.”
I hate Knox Addison. Hate, hate, hate him. And for the entire flight home to Denver, I curse the memory of that kiss.
“I’m not ready for training camp next week,” I lie. I’m totally ready. Completely, one hundred percent. I’m not thinking about quitting my hockey career so I can follow my big brother’s best friend to Minnesota and cling to him like the desperate loser that I could be if I keep going down this path.
I just got the man to admit he might feel a fraction of the longing I have felt for him all these years, and he goes and makes me fall for him even harder while he still seems unaffected.
I’m standing before my dream man, completely naked, and I’ve never felt more vulnerable. I’m exposed to him, and the emotion building in my gut as I stare down at him is raw.
I always had this feeling, this sense that he wanted me too, but I’d put it down to wishing he was looking at me like I was a snack. I mean, I am a snack; I just didn’t know if he saw me that way.
Every fantasy, every daydream of this man, none of them can compare to the real thing. It’s not perfect and shiny in the way fantasies are.
“Fine. Moving on. I guess I maybe also lied to you too.” “About your crush?” “Yeah … I’d say it’s less of a crush and more of a full-blown obsession at this point. I’ve had feelings for you for close to half my life, and I don’t know how to be me without them.”
I’ve been practically in love with this man since I was twelve, so of course I want to go all in with him, but that’s not the reality of changing our dynamics.
“I was going to suggest we go out somewhere. Do something together, but …” My smile takes over my face when I work out what he’s saying. “You asking me on a date, Easton Kikishkin?”
I’m all in. I just need to show Knox that we can make it work if we both put in the effort.
If he needs time to adjust to his new schedule, I’ll give it to him. I’ve waited over a decade for my chance, and if I have to wait for another decade until he’s ready to commit, then it’s something I’ll have to do.
“No, wait. I don’t want us to stop hanging out.” He really is nowhere near my level of feelings if he thinks that’s remotely possible without dying on the inside. Let alone being unable to refrain from touching him.
I huff a laugh as he pulls out the stool beside me and sits. “Even with my face all fucked-up, I’m still prettier than you. You look like the love child of Brad Marchand and Zach Hyman.” Even though I’ve insulted him, he’s still smiling.
There’s no way I could find anyone who could make me feel a fraction of what I do for Knox. He’s it for me, and while I know we’re in for a shit fight to keep us together, I’m willing to do whatever it takes. Hopefully, he will do the same and not cut and run again.
“I know I joke, but that hurt, Knox. I need to know you’re serious and aren’t going to turn around and change your mind again. You’re not the only one who’s scared of failing here.”
The plastic tiara has springs hot glued to it, and at the end of the springs are mini dildos spray-painted gold. Because of course they are.
My supermodel boyfriend has dicks on his head, and they bob up and down every time he moves. Wonderful.
Foster lifts his phone. “Smile and say penis!” Literally every man around me does it, and the chorus of penis rings in my ears.
“I always hoped every single moment with you would lead here. It was my entire fantasy dreamscape.” “Thank fuck you had faith in us.”
Easton and I aren’t meant to be separated for long. That’s real love. The kind that can get through anything. With Easton Kikishkin, I get to have it all.
