Alone with You

by Aly Martinez

Staring at that front door, I was assaulted by visions of what could have been. Me packing the car for vacations at the beach. Us jogging down the steps, laughing as we headed out for a date night. Gwen carrying bags filled with tomatoes and zucchini after a Sunday trip to the farmers market. Me falling to my knees when she met me at the door with a positive pregnancy test. Our daughter blowing out birthday candles as our son tried to swipe the icing.

Playing catch on the front lawn. Kissing boo-boos when they fell off their bikes. Taking pictures before they headed off to prom. Cars lining the street as we hosted a high school graduation party in the backyard. Our last child driving away for college, leaving us with a heartbreakingly empty nest, but still grinning because I knew Gwen would be forever by my side. I hadn’t just let go of Gwen all those years ago. I’d let go of an entire beautiful future together. And after all the tragedy I’d experienced, that might have been the most devastating reality of all.