The Dawn of the Cursed Queen (Gods & Monsters, #3)

by Amber V. Nicole

“There she is. There’s my Dianna.”

“Dianna, you are perfect the way you are. There is nothing I would ever change about you. Fangs and all.”

“Hope. Because I know you have the power to change worlds, and you’d do that for the people you love. Love, Dianna. It doesn’t make you weak. It offers strength to anyone who experiences it, but with how intensely and completely you love, it makes you nearly invincible. I saw it in how ferociously you protected your sister and me. I have seen your heart, physically held it, and I have never met an evil being who loves as you do. So no, you’re not evil.”

“We all have flaws. Such is living, but evil? You? Not even on your worst day.” I leaned forward, my forehead touching his. Never in my whole life had I felt as whole as I did when I was with him. I had never felt so alive. I never… felt. His breath mingled with mine, his scent alone, making my heart race.

But for Samkiel? In a heartbeat. I’d burn worlds, erase empires, and turn stars to ash if I had to.

“I am extremely selfish when it comes to you.”

“A flower for my lady.”

“I am not complaining in the slightest. You simply surprised me, akrai.”

Samkiel, who was already waiting. He was always waiting for me.

“You said you wanted a date amongst all the chaos, so I thought this would suffice.”

“I was actually nervous about bringing you here.”

“I know this will be hard to believe, but I have never planned a date in the history of my long existence.”

“I think you did fantastic,” I whispered. “Best date ever, truly.”

“I felt something then, although I was completely unaware of what it was. I think you woke something up inside me then, and I’ve never been the same since.” He shrugged as if he hadn’t just altered my whole world. “I also counted every single person who looked at you that night.”

“Definitely worse.” I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “But I think you’re perfect.”

“So yes, that was our first date. I count it since it was the first time I had fun. I never had fun growing up on Rashearim, but then I met you, and well… you’re fun.”

The sparks between us burned brighter. The light illuminated Samkiel’s tanned skin and dazzling smile, casting shadows across the planes of his arms and shoulders. I was completely enraptured by him. Against all odds and despite what the universe had taken from me, here he was, caring for me.

“You give me the best memories.”

“Dianna, what are you talking about?” “You died,”

I made a promise in that tunnel, in that damn cold tunnel, that if they didn’t return you to me, I’d rip the universe to atoms. I meant it. Our mark formed, burned on my finger, and then disappeared. You breathed and—and—and…”

“Your soul. The cost of saving me was your soul,”

“You’ve been lying to me. For months.” “Yes.”

“Dianna.” His face held nothing but pain and anger. “Your soul, Dianna. You gave up your soul for me. I would never ask such a thing. You have given up so much for others. I would never ask you to shred yet another part of yourself. Never. I want you alive and well and happy, even if I am not.” “I am,” I said. “I am all of those as long as you are with me.”

“It is exactly like that, Dianna! Because you confide in another instead of me. What other secrets do you two have that I know nothing about?”

“There’s no excuse. You have had months to tell me. I laid every piece of me at your feet, and you cannot even give me a fraction of you.”

“You keep saying that word, but I don’t think you know what it means. You cannot say you’re sorry and keep hurting someone, Dianna. It means nothing after that.”

“It’s new to me, too, but I know for a fact that keeping secrets, big or small, is no way to start. Especially about resurrection. How can we have an ounce of anything without trust?”

“You don’t trust me?” His face twisted with pain, and I hated myself.

“How can I when you kept this from me? When you don’t trust me enough to tell me about something like this? Something that affects me just as much, if not more, than you. When you trust others above me? When you don’t trust in my commitment to us enough even to tell me about our mark!”

It was true. From his perspective, it was the truth. I confided in others over him. Everyone knew but him. In my head, I was protecting him, ...

“That this isn’t real. That maybe by bringing you back, it changed you. I am afraid that you won’t want me anymore. Losing our bond terrifies me because what if that means I’ve lost you? I am selfish and cruel, and gods above, I am evil if I need to be for you. I would do anything for what you gave me, for what you showed me, and even the thought of losing it, losing you, makes me sick with terror. So yeah, I’m sorry I kept it from you, but I couldn’t lose you again!”

“I’m sorry that I hurt you, but I am not, nor will I ever be, sorry for what I did, for what I will do for you. I never claimed to be good or decent. You knew what I was, who I was, and you decided to be with me all the same.”

“Do you know what it feels like to have your soul cleaved in two? To have it ripped from you? That’s what it felt like when you died in my arms. Pure, blinding pain that I don’t think this world or the next has a word for. So don’t stand there scolding me like a fucking child. You are not my father. I killed him to get to you, and I still wasn’t in time. I would burn the world for you, Samkiel, and I would happily hand over my soul so that you may live. I would do it all again if it meant you existed.”

“How would I know what you go through?” he asked. “You lock yourself away behind walls I cannot breach. I’ve tried, Dianna. I’ve really tried, but you keep me at arm’s length.”

“Admit it,” he begged. “No matter how close I am to you or how I touch you, there is still a part of you that you will always keep from me.”

“Try harder because I will not have half of you. I will not love only half of you. Sharing your body with me is not enough,” he said, and I swore my heart broke. “It may have been to others in your past, but it’s not enough for me.”

“Your lies and secrets will tear us apart far quicker than any force in this world or the next, Dianna.”

“I need you to go,” he said. I turned back to him, my eyes burning before the tears fell, staining my cheeks. “Is this… Are you… Do you not want to be with me?”

His eyes held mine, and I realized the only thing I feared in this world or the next was happening. I had my heart ripped out of my body on Onuna, and this pain was worse.

“I need to rebuild the city,” he said. “And...

Time. He didn’t say the other part, but I knew he meant time away from me. Samkiel never ...

“I love you.” It was a whisper, a plea, and the gods’ honest truth.

Samkiel never pushed away from me, no matter what I did or said, but this? This was it. This was his final straw.

“Go.”

I may not have had a soul any longer, but Samkiel had just ripped my heart out. That was okay. It was his anyway. I wiped my face and stormed from the room that was suddenly too small, too cold, and too empty.

Samkiel was her soul.

She moved so quickly, her strikes precise and even, just like her World Ender.

I could give you and him a million fucking reasons I didn’t, but it doesn’t matter because I hurt him. Again. I lied to him. Again.”

“You are truly a fool if you think that man would ever stop loving you, Dianna.”

He can hate me. He can leave me. I don’t care, but I will be the one to keep him alive. The world needs him, even if he doesn’t need me.”