Remember Us This Way

by Sheridan Anne

“I don’t know what I can say to you to make this better or how to make the hurt go away, but just know that with every single beat of your heart, I’ll love you even more.”

“Fuck, I knew this was going to be hard, but I didn’t think it would kill me like this.” “Don’t, Noah,” I warn, my voice shaky. “If you fall apart, I’ll be a wreck.”

“Not goodbye, Zo. Just see you later.”

“Fuck, I’ve missed you, Zo,” he tells me. “If that’s how you show a girl you missed her, then you ought to miss me some more,” I tease. He laughs as his lips drop to mine. “Then just wait ’til you see how I show a girl exactly how I make up for missed time,”

“I love you so fucking much,” he tells me, his voice breaking. “You know you can call me at any time, and I’ll answer, even if you don’t have anything to say.”

“Shit,” she mutters, her bottom lip jutting out. “I don’t know if I’m allowed to give you a hug.” “Of course you can,” I tell her. “But an intense make-out session is strictly out of the question.”

I’m not going anywhere, Noah. You’re my bestest friend, and there is still so much I want to experience with you. You’ll see, you still have a million more years to drive me crazy. I’m not nearly done loving you yet.”

Zoey’s Douche Canoe Boyfriend: Watch her like a fucking hawk.

I do it quickly, not wanting her to have to endure this for long, and when I’m done, I lift the shaver to my own head, pushing it through my dark hair before she gets a chance to stop me. Her eyes widen as her jaw slackens. “NOAH!” she screeches. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Her . . . Her leukemia is back?” Tarni asks. “Congratulations,” I say with a disgusted grunt, pushing away from her. “You must be so fucking proud of yourself.”

“Yeah. I think this is what we call living with the consequences of your actions,” I say, reaching back to the entryway table to grab my car keys before stepping out of the house and locking the door behind me. “But let me put this into perspective for you. You just told me that you’re aware I’m dying, and not once have you asked me how I’m feeling, how my chemotherapy was, or if there’s even a chance that I might pull through. All you care about is how it affects you. But guess what? I am dying, and my time on this earth is limited, and the last thing I want to do is spend what little time I have left catering to your selfishness. I’m not interested.”

Finger clapssss

“Don’t fucking say that,” he demands, lifting his head and looking straight into my tear-filled eyes. “There has to be another option, something else we can do. I’m not ready to lose you, Zo. You’re my whole fucking world. You promised you wouldn’t leave. I can’t lose you.”

A cover of “Like I’m Gonna Lose You” by Jasmine Thompson starts playing through her phone speaker and my chest starts to ache as she folds back into me.

“Promise me, Noah. Promise me you’ll remember us this way.”

“In that case, I’m coming back as your favorite pair of panties,” I tell her. “And it better be a thong, too. Otherwise, I’d be pissed.”

“I’m all in,” I tell him. “And while I might be a nineteen-year-old widow, I’ll also be the man who got to marry the love of his life and give her a day that she’ll always cherish. Getting to give her this will forever be my greatest achievement. No championship trophy or NFL contract will even come close.”

“Now go and make my little girl’s dreams come true.”

“Hi Daddy,” I whisper. A single tear falls from his eye as he wanders toward me, not stopping until he’s standing right in front of me. He gently collects my veil between his fingers and lifts it over my head, letting it fall back behind me. “You’re absolutely breathtaking,” he tells me, his fingers gently brushing over my cheek. “You truly are an angel sent from the heavens.” I smile up at my father, willing myself not to cry. “You’re walking me down the aisle, right?” “There’s no greater honor for a father than to give his daughter away on her wedding day,” he whispers. “There’s no place I’d rather be.”

“It’s simple. I will love you. I will love you today, tomorrow, and every day until the heavens and the earth no longer exist. Whether you’re here by my side, sharing our lives together, or watching over me from above, I will love you. You’re my everything, Zoey James, and as long as my heart continues to beat, it will beat for you.”

“You’re my person, Noah. I’ve walked my life with you, side by side, right from the beginning, and as a little girl, I couldn’t have imagined the type of roller coaster loving you was going to take me on,” I breathe. “You’ve consumed me, have owned me in every possible way. So for me, today isn‘t about giving myself to you because I’ve always been yours, and I will continue to be yours until the end of time. My heart has always belonged right in the palm of your hand, just as yours has belonged in mine. We’re twin flames, and while I won’t be here to give you another fifty years, to build our lives together, or to build a home filled with love and laughter, I promise you that our souls will never part. I will always be with you, always love you with everything I am, even as I watch over you from the heavens.”

“Remember to dance among the stars, baby,”

“Why did she have to go?” I cry into my mother’s shoulder. “I can’t . . . I can’t breathe without her. I need her, Mom. I love her.”

They hit me right in the chest, especially as In The Stars by Benson Boone plays through the church.

When I open the voice notes and find one labeled ‘HEARTBEAT’ my brows furrow, and I click on it before the subtle boom boom of Zoey’s heart fills the room. I fucking crumble, dropping to my knees.

As I grip the window frame to close it, I’m knocked back a step as a massive fucking bird flies straight through. Its bright colors practically smack me in the face as it scrambles through my childhood bedroom, knocking shit over in a panic.

“Am I crazy for thinking you’re my Zoey?” I ask, my voice shaking.