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“I’m just—so done. I’m so done, and I hate you,” I hissed, shaking my fist at the lion. “I hope you choke on my bones after you eat me! I hope they find this escape pod and probe your ass. May your entire family line be cursed with hip dysplasia! I hate you, lion!”
The escape pod picked up speed. Sharp claws pricked at my side as the lion clung to me, keeping me tight against him as we slammed against the side of the ship.
awww lol
The lion groaned. “Look, you and I just went through a very traumatic experience together. An experience like that forms a bond. We’re basically brothers now.
I literally had to put my phone down and laugh 😅
“Calm down. Your eyes just don’t possess the cones necessary to process the color red.” He snarled. I peed a little.
With my clothes hung up, I went to sit next to him by the fire and kicked off my shoes. “GAHH!” I turned to see the alien crab-walking away from me looking terrified. His back hit the wall of the cave before he pointed a finger at my feet. “What in the twin moons is wrong with your hooves, woman?” he hollered. “He can talk now?” Toto gasped.
Lmfao i was not expecting that
“Sol,” I began slowly, “I do not have hoof rot. I have feet. And I’d appreciate it if you’d stop staring at them like they were going to jump off my legs and bite you.” “I might.” “Shut up, Toto.”
After some convincing, I got Toto to pose in a selfie with me, which would immediately become my profile picture on every social media platform if I was returned home.
“Toto, hurry,” I said. The lion bit the rope, trying to slice through it. “I’m trying,” he said. “The rope’s too thick; just untie it,” I said, voice frantic. “Woman, do I look like a mammal with opposable thumbs? Quit thrashing!”
The large man approaching us was definitely a Sankado, but it sure as hell wasn’t Sol. He was bigger. Deliciously so, with a face that made me think there was a conspiracy going on where all aliens on this planet had to be unfairly hot. Maybe I’d just been single too long.
“Are you kidding me?” I asked, voice rising with growing indignation. “Why, man, why do you want to disembowel him?” “Defending my kill, protecting you, the simple thrill of a fight to the death? I’m a fucking lion, take your pick.”
I reached up to grab the back of his head and pulled him to me. His brow rose, but he didn’t protest. Just before our lips touched, Sol yanked me back by my shirt.
Eeeeeeep! Loving this!
Pictures of familiar museums came onto the screen, each one sinking a knife farther into my gut. “Are you joking?” I bit out. “Those are the Academy of Natural Sciences of Drexel University, the American Museum of Natural History, and the Wagner Free Institute of Science.” “Oh, you know them?” he asked curiously.
XD
We have no defenses against dinosaurs. Have you seen them? They’re massive! You say you made this planet with the ease of humans in mind. Yet I walked around this stupid planet for miles. Where is the damn grocery store? Hmm? Tell me, Intern, where is Target?”
“But what?” “We…we just don’t have the funding for that.”
Lmfao
All right, that settles it. I’ve died and been reincarnated in some stupid anime. If there are any gods at all, please don’t make this a full-blown “why choose.” Just keep it to us three. Lord, you know I don’t have the stamina.
“For starters, you keep scratching my ear. Next, you can embrace this for what it is: an adventure. Let’s see how far we can get.” “I strive to be as unbothered as you, Toto.” He chuffed happily, leaning into my petting. “Everyone should strive to be more like me.”
He gave me a lopsided grin. “Oh, I’m afraid I can’t do that. You’re mine, after all. If you’re not completely obsessed with me by nightfall, I’ll die of a broken heart.”
Ugh I love Lok
The frog shuddered at my words, then leaned back and watched the sky. “Not…fly.” “Nope.” Its eyes darted to me again, then away. “I…not fly.” The frog blinked rapidly again. A look of shock crossed its face. “I…I can…think?” The frog fell very still. Then it just started screaming and didn’t stop.
😭🤣
“Why didn’t you call us for help?” “You were busy punching each other in the face. A lady never interrupts.” Lok roared with laughter, nearly falling off the saddle in his hysterics. “A woman who looks death in the face and shrugs it off. Gods above, you’ve stolen my heart already.”
“Why do all of these houses only have one bed?” “Our research shows that the ‘only one bed’ method is a tried-and-true way to get humans to mate!
“Are you going to kill me?” Sol asked. Lok raised a brow, then rested his chin on his hand like he was thinking about it. “Do I need to?” “No,” Sol replied carefully. Lok nodded, then bid us both good night and left. Sol and I stood in the living room watching him retreat to one of the other houses. I broke the silence first. “He didn’t answer the question.” “No.” Sol sighed. “No, he did not.”
“YOU TRIED TO MILK A T. REX?” “For science!”
Blossom rested against the wall of the cave, occasionally sneaking glances at the world outside. I didn’t need years of study to guess what she was looking for. Her mate was out there. So was mine.
Grinning ridiculously, he took a seat beside me. “So many questions. Are you finally taking an interest in me? Where’s the Tamagotchi?” he asked, looking around.
“You know, I could do with less judgment, Toto. You could have just given me the answer in the first place.” His side-eye was scathing. “Dory, this isn’t real. I’m literally a figment of your imagination. You’re drowning, remember? Wake up and tell that idiot king to move his settlement.”
“Did you just use me as a weapon?” I yelled. “They took my knives,” he said petulantly.
His jaw dropped. “You were poisoned. How? You were out of my sight for no more than a few hours!” “Really, Dory, you are not making this rescue easy,” Toto chided.
With a yank, I pulled my foot free of the boot, ripped off my sock, then raised my foot toward our assailants and screamed, “Hoof rot!”
Lmfao
could still study animals on this planet—a much wider variety than I’d planned to study on Earth. I’d have none of the funding or tools, but on the bright side, no student loans. Take that, Sallie Mae.
“Hey, Dory?” Toto whispered. “What?” I snapped back. “Can my queen stay here with us tonight? She doesn’t like the rain.” “Queen?” Sol asked. Shock siphoned the blood from his face when he turned to see a Smilodon sitting in the pew behind us.
Lmao I cant with this lion xD
“Osid, you conniving little fuck, you took my wife hostage in order to force me to accept your challenge on the grounds of dishonor, and then you poisoned my armor. If you accuse me of taking the coward’s way out by abandoning my position, I will rip your head off and drink from your skull, just like I did to your uncle.”
😶
Intern’s hands tightened his grip on the steering wheel until I feared it would snap. He pulled out the orange Tamagotchi and inspected it with clear irritation. “Negative,” he announced before snapping his fingers and pointing at Osid. “Capture Subject 12 and her mate. They are to be delivered to the psych ward for couples counseling.”
“If it’s worth anything, if even one of my daughters turned out to be anything like you, I’d be proud to call them my own.” Tears pricked at my eyes as I hugged him. “Thank you, Toto.” “All right, all right, pull it together,” he said, his tone teasing. “No need to get my mane wet.”
Intern flew from Lok’s shoulder to land next to his unconscious boss. “Oh yes, he’s still alive. Though, if you wanted to finish the job, Dory, none of us would stop you. I’ll tell the next department head it was an accident.” “Do your own dirty work, Intern. I’m not killing your boss.” “But—”
“That blast looks like it took out an entire floor. Should we go help her?” Just then, the sounds of gunshots and maniacal laughter filled the air, and I caught sight of a tentacled monster throwing itself out a broken window. The giant squid-like creature latched onto the wall of the tower and frantically started to climb down. Blair appeared in the window not long after and opened fire on the creature with a machine gun. “I think she’s doing fine,” Lok answered.
