How My Neighbor Stole Christmas
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Read between December 18 - December 22, 2024
3%
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“Says the person who bought Alexander a birthday present this year.” “You asked me to grab you fertilizer when I came out to visit you. I highly disagree with calling that a birthday gift.” “It was his birthday and you brought it to him. I see it differently.”
7%
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Thank God, because my body is starting to fail me from lack of nourishment. Sure, I might have eaten an entire bag of pretzels on the way up here, along with two clementines, a box of raisinettes, and three applesauce to-go pouches, but it clearly wasn’t enough.
25%
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“It was startling. I gasped when I witnessed her rise, like an erection sprung right from a pair of tighty-whities.”
28%
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“You thrusted.” I nod. “I thrusted.” “That one thrust, man, it was like a cosmic boom that shook the whole town. I saw trees faint.”
49%
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“If you allow fear to take over your actions, then you’re never going to accomplish anything.”
68%
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Okay, favorite Christmas movie. Cole: Home Alone. Kevin is a badass. I thought I’d booby-trap our house once, ended up gluing my pillow’s stuffing to my dad’s bare chest. Mom had to shave him to get it off. He complained about his nips being cold all winter.