When the Moon Hits Your Eye
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Read between July 28 - July 30, 2025
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“No, sir,” Axel said. “And even if we had it, disappearing the moon and replacing it with an equally massive orb of probably cheese serves no discernable military purpose.”
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“Not a great week to be a scientist or a believer in a rational universe.”
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“I appreciate it, John,” Jody said, wishing Able would die horribly in a fire and musing, briefly, how it might be possible to have that happen by positioning the director of the Diana missions under one of the exhaust cones of the PanGlobal UltraMega rockets that the company used to launch satellites, and also this test lunar lander, into space. “We make a good team.”
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“Possibly,” Hannah said. “And what about your metaphorical moon project here, Damian? Is it also a comedy?” “No, of course not,” Bardfield-Saling replied. “That would be the entirely wrong scaffolding for such a story.” “I’m happy to hear you say that,” Hannah admitted. “It would be a musical,” Bardfield-Saling said.
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“No, I just don’t see the benefit of the United States admitting it got taken for a ride by a billionaire who has more entitlement than he has brains.”
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If I have any more surprises out of you or Bannon, I swear to God I will have you shot into the sun. You know how much Delta-v that takes. So don’t make me do it.”
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Q: What would you say to the other billionaires who have space companies? A: Just this: Hey, Elon and Jeff? Ha ha hah lol suck it, dudes.
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was hard to miss when an entire celestial object was replaced, in open violation of physics, and of science generally.
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“I thought it would be worth it to know my existential enemy,” Felix said.
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“I’m sure,” Jody said, and hoped it came across as confident and brave, and not like a man who had suddenly realized that he’d crossed a government that killed people on their balconies with knife-bearing missiles when they pissed it off.
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The Lunch Bunch came together in the second grade when its three intensely nerdy boys realized that no one else in their class had the deep, spectrum-y love of weird shit that they had, and its one rather-less-nerdy-but-not-entirely-unnerdy girl realized that no one else in the class was as interesting to listen and talk to, or to watch.