Variation

by Rebecca Yarros

The second her gaze lifted to lock with mine, I forgot how to fucking breathe, let alone think. I’d never been hit by lightning, but I bet this was what it felt like. And she was bleeding. Right. Get ahold of yourself.

Observant could easily be mistaken for quiet, especially with that many siblings around.

I wanted to know what kind of music she listened to, what books she liked, which movies were her favorite. I wanted to know if she minded the way she was kept sequestered, and what made her smile.

By the end of that summer, she was my best friend. By the end of the next, she hated me. And I didn’t blame her.

“Because”—she straightened her shoulders—“you’re my biological mother.”

“If you want to see me in uniform, all you have to do is ask.” A playful smile tugged at his lips.

“Agreement amended. My rule is you can touch me whenever you want, Alessandra. Public. Private. Doesn’t matter to me. Any part of me. With any part of you. Anytime you want.”

He’d never looked at me like that before, like I was someone he wanted—no, craved. In fact, I wasn’t sure any of the men I’d been with had ever looked at me with such blatant need.

“So while sure, it makes me jealous that there are a couple of guys here who have seen you naked, I actually feel sorry for them because they’ll never have you again.” I tugged her close and let the words fly like the revelation they were. “But I will. First means nothing. Last means everything.”

And I could have him if I just asked. He’d made that achingly clear.

“That’s a very real fact of life. I live in a constant state of wanting you. I have since I was seventeen years old. Wanting you is all I know.”

“Truth always differs depending on who’s telling the story, and in complicated situations, there are countless variations. But when it comes to that summer, in every single variant, I’m the asshole who wasn’t strong enough to hold on to her.”