I Want to Trust You, but I Don't: Moving Forward When You’re Skeptical of Others, Afraid of What God Will Allow, and Doubtful of Your Own Discernment

by Lysa TerKeurst

Skepticism fades in the light of proven truth.

“All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.” (2 Corinthians 5:18–19)

Alone doesn’t just happen when there’s no one around. Sometimes alone means you’re carrying the weight of something hard by yourself.

To me, it was another shock. Another loss. Another wave of grief.

When we have our trust broken, it’s tempting to replace trust with control.

Sometimes I would act like I didn’t want something or that I’d prefer to do it alone, rather than risk more disappointment.

Sometimes when you get shockingly bad results from past decisions, it can make you hesitant to trust that you’re capable of making wise future decisions.

Isaiah 30:19–21 has been such a comfort for me as I take these baby steps toward trust: People of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”

One Old Testament scholar said it this way: “A word behind you conveys both the nearness of God and the sensitivity of the pupil.”

“The attentive nature of the follower of God who desires to be led by God is important here. The New Testament develops this further with the concept of the Spirit-filled life of believers. We are led by the Spirit not based on our own ambition but by the vision and direction of God” (Galatians 5:16–25 and John 16:13).

“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.” (John 16:13)

These thoughts carry over into my thoughts about God. I wouldn’t have written the story like this. I wouldn’t have allowed that to happen. I wouldn’t have put those I love through so much suffering. I wouldn’t have waited so long. I wouldn’t have seemed so silent.

What my mind can’t understand, my heart tends to distrust.

I will have to trust God with what I cannot see. I will have to trust God with what I do not know. I will have to trust God with what I fear. I will have to trust God with what I want and, even more so, with what I do not want. I might have to bear what I desperately do not want to bear. I may have to face what I desperately do not want to face. I may have to go through what I desperately do not want to go through. God is good. I know this.

And before long, I’ve felt like I had more faith in my fears coming true than in God coming through for me.

“Physical eyesight produces a conviction or evidence of visible things; faith is the organ which enables people to see the invisible order.”

‘Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive, and will come forth later, in uglier ways.’

trusting God is holding loosely the parts of my life I want to hold most tightly. I want to trust Him, until I don’t.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. (5:6–10)

I never realized that suffering is actually a sign God is leading us in the exact right direction toward redemption. Suffering isn’t a pitfall preventing our redemption. Suffering isn’t proof that we should doubt God’s goodness. Suffering doesn’t mean that trusting God is too risky. Suffering is our reminder to stay closer to God than ever before and not to resist His leading. God’s way is the right way no matter how confusing it gets along the way.

There were so many times when I thought God was about to turn everything around, but then things got worse, not better. Some of my darkest days were when I could not make sense of what God was allowing. And my fear was that because God allowed all of this, what else might He allow?

I have realized I cannot attach my hope to God making things feel fair. And I certainly can’t attach my hope to the outcomes I desperately want. I have to attach my hope to who God is. He is good. He is faithful. He is my Father who loves me.

Every affliction is timed and measured, and every comfort is sent with a loving thoughtfulness which makes it precious in a sevenfold degree. O believer, the great thoughtfulness of the divine mind is exercised towards you, the chosen of the Lord. Never has anything happened to you as the result of a remorseless fate; but all your circumstances have been ordered in wisdom by a living, thoughtful, loving Lord. . . . Our heavenly Father knows what he is doing; when his ways towards us appear to be involved and complicated, and we cannot disentangle the threads of the skein, yet the Lord sees all things clearly, and knows the thoughts that he thinks towards us. He never misses his way, nor becomes embarrassed. We dare not profess to understand the ways of God to man: they are past finding out. Providence is a great deep. Its breadth exceeds the range of our vision, and its depth baffles our profoundest thought.

My favorite lines are “Our heavenly Father knows what he is doing; when his ways towards us appear to be involved and complicated, and we cannot disentangle the threads of the skein, yet the Lord sees all things clearly.”

We must keep fighting to make sure our first words filled with anguish aren’t our last words filled with bitterness

But then I need her to remind me that the absence of justice isn’t evidence of the absence of God.

Her presence helps me feel God’s presence.

When I’m wondering where God is, His creation always seems to have a message about Him, if I pay close enough attention. A verse I love to quote is Psalm 19:1: “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.” If I can’t see the work of His hands the way I thought I would in my circumstances, I want to see His work somewhere.

When someone commits some kind of sin against you, whatever seems so enticing about the sin will always come with the consequences of that sin.

“they will eat the fruit of their ways and be filled with the fruit of their schemes” (Proverbs 1:31).

He ate the fruit of his own wicked schemes.

Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. (

Haman’s sin blinded him, made him hard-hearted, and eventually caught up with him because that’s what sin always does.

Hebrews 3:12–13 reminds us of this: “See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘Today,’ so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”

“It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them” (Deuteronomy 32:35).

The battle you’re facing, no matter how dark it feels, isn’t hopeless.

Jenny said, “Their path to see God’s glory is different from mine.”

Heavenly Father, Even when I’m faced with what feels unfair in my life and relationships, I know I can count on Your character never changing. Your justice and mercy bring me comfort. Thank You for overcoming the darkness, sin, and hopelessness I see all around me. You are working and will right all wrongs. Help me give over to You all the things that were never mine to carry. In Jesus’ name, amen

For me, the more my life deviates from my definition of good, the more I want to try to control the uncontrollable.

After all, if I can prevent bad things from happening, then I don’t have to rely on or trust anyone else. I don’t have to participate in that terrifying unknown of people making choices that mess everything up or put everything at risk. And I don’t have to participate in that sometimes terrifying unknown of trusting God, who allows things that are so very confusing at best and devastating at worst.

I’m exhausted by picking up the pieces of things I didn’t shatter.

Humans who break our trust do not have the power to break apart God’s good plans for our lives. They may have enough influence in our lives to hurt our hearts and make us feel derailed. We may even think their actions have created so much destruction that life will never be normal again. But people are never more powerful than God.

Your life is not a tragedy. It’s a testimony that God is your Rock and your Redeemer. And if your hands are shaking, let it be only because you’re pointing at the devil, who picked the wrong girl to mess with this time.