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Started reading
December 26, 2024
most confusing of all, my suffering felt never-ending while the
people who hurt me continued to make choices that didn’t honor God, yet seemed to be carrying on just fine.
Though we want to keep it in check and not let our anxiety spiral out of control, we should also know God designed our bodies to detect when situations or people are not safe.
My issue with trusting those people may honestly be a sign of wisdom, not weakness. And my tendency to overanalyze their words and actions, or even a feeling I get when I’m around them, may actually be an exercise of discernment, not deficiency.
it your all to hang on. Then, the resistance finally seems to lessen, the rope starts getting pulled in the right direction toward you, and you smile so big, knowing the moment is finally close . . . but then suddenly the rope is yanked by the opposition and you fall flat on your face. Your blistered hands and your exhausted soul sting as the hope you were clinging to is ripped away. The tighter you were holding on, the worse it hurts when it’s pulled away. To manage the disappointment, you may say things
It was as if I couldn’t tell the difference between then and now. It didn’t matter that this was a completely different person; the feelings were the same. It felt as if the past was repeating itself.
Safety is both fact and feeling. Therefore, trust is both fact and feeling.
when I can’t immediately attach the feelings I’m having to the exact reason for them, it makes me feel on edge and hypersensitive.
Why is it that sometimes I would rather avoid being honest with my feelings so I don’t have to deal with an unpredictable reaction from others?
I think I stuff my feelings, hoping things will just get better on their own. Other times, I don’t want to get vulnerable enough to risk people having access to my tender feelings. Then there are other times when I’m too busy or there seem to be more important things to deal with, so I just keep plowing
through life, acting like I don’t have the very real feelings...
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God’s truth isn’t shaming me because I have fear but rather reminding me not to get consumed by it.
In order to trust, I must have the knowledge and the feeling that I am safe.
You’re not a bad person or a crazy person for having uncertainties around trust. You’re a person who takes relationships seriously and who wants to invest your heart deeply in the right ways with the right people.
then you can determine this isn’t a real red flag, just a misunderstanding.
their insides don’t match their outsides.
They are not bothered by making people wait on them. They do not consider other people’s time as valuable as theirs.
They feel the consequences of their irresponsibility should suddenly become your emergency.
You’re the problem, and they’re the ultimate solution.
trauma is made up of two parts: fact and impact.
In this season of your life, how much of this are you willing to tolerate? The scale might look like this: on one end, “I am never okay with this”; in the middle, “I can sometimes tolerate this” or “This rarely bothers me”; and on the opposite end, “This doesn’t even show up on my radar.”
If we can address the rips as they happen, it will help us better manage our concerns before they turn into full-blown ruptures.
The bigger the rip, the more complicated the repair will be and the longer it will take. The ties that bind us are incredibly strong until they are made fragile because of choices that sliced away at what should have been protected.
We are responsible to get the help we need so we don’t continue to turn our past hurts into unleashed hurt on the people we do life with. And the person who betrayed you is responsible to get the help they need too.
“It’s normal to have big feelings around big trust violations.
Anyone can say what you want to hear when rebuilding trust. But the truth comes out in their actions.
But no show can last forever. They can’t hold their breath forever either. With people who pretend to care because it serves them in some way, their reaction to the next time you disappoint them will be very telling.
What’s on the inside of someone always starts to leak out.
trust is built through time plus believable behavior. You must have both.
Because of what I’ve been through, I’ll probably always have times in my relationships when I have flashes of fear. “What if” questions that pop into my head may make me tense up and momentarily brace myself for heartbreaks unnecessarily.
But now I know what to do with all that nervous energy. I don’t unleash it on the people I love, unfairly making them pay for the sins of people in my past. I close my eyes and remind myself to relax. I ask myself what is true in that moment and what is not true. I pray and ask for wisdom. I ask for help if I need to process with someone safe. I ask appropriate questions. I look for the fruit or lack thereof. And I lean into the healing and wisdom I’ve now gained.
Those betrayals will always be part of your past. Remember, they are just a page or possibly a couple of chapters, but that pain is not your full story. You might have had some moments when you did sink, but now it’s your time to rise.
God is not honored when you are being treated in dishonorable and deplorable ways. We’ve been taught that our love should be unconditional, but reconciling with someone who has broken our trust in the deepest ways should absolutely be conditional.
Sometimes alone means you’re carrying the weight of something hard by yourself. People around you are supportive. But they can’t truly understand the gravity of what it feels like to be you.
if what I’m saying on the outside doesn’t match what I’m feeling on the inside, then I may be trying to control the situation and the narrative around it.
the future, just like the present, will have a whole lot that is completely out of my control.
Sometimes alone means you’re carrying the weight of something hard by yourself.
