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November 22 - November 25, 2024
Stuffing seems okay until I realize undealt-with emotions over time run a high risk of causing more damage than I ever thought. My counselor often reminds me, “What we don’t work out, we act out.”
2 Timothy 1:7: “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” God’s truth isn’t shaming me because I have fear but rather reminding me not to get consumed by it. It’s okay to feel the fear and hear the message it may be trying to send me.
God wants us to pour out our hearts to Him about whatever is troubling us.
God isn’t disappointed in our raw honesty with Him. The beautiful thing is that this is exactly what He wants from us. And then through our prayers and lament and vulnerable processing, He can guide our feelings and help us stay aligned with His truth.
It can make us short-circuit our need for healing just because we are
embarrassed to be human. Humans sometimes break. We hurt when we break. It takes time and intentionality to heal our breaks.
It’s wise not to run with broken bones or rush through our broken hearts.
And if the other person we are in relationship with, whether it’s a new relationship or one where we are trying to repair broken trust, has an issue with our need for ongoing healing, time, and safety, then that may be the most telling warning sign of all.
You’re a person who takes relationships seriously and who wants to invest your heart deeply in the right ways with the right people.
I’ve experienced this kind of confusing, mismatched affection, which, over time, can make you feel so used, foolish, and taken advantage of. What makes this even more complicated for me is that I keep thinking the other person will turn things around, since overall they’ve been a good friend. It’s just that, over time, what at first felt like occasional mistakes have turned into a pattern of behavior, eating away at my confidence and trust in them.
And here’s the deal: if you let these red flags continue and the person keeps displaying these characteristics for longer and longer, the impact on you will multiply greater and greater.
At first, a red flag could seem like a very small concern. But if it keeps happening and goes unaddressed, it can become a defining hardship that breaks the relationship.
I like to think of discernment as the intimate way God cares for me, leads me, redirects me, warns me, and reveals things to me I otherwise may miss on my own.
So many times, my brain and my heart come into conflict, especially when it comes to relationships I very much want to continue. My brain will fire off a warning, but then my heart will try to override it because I want to believe this person I love wouldn’t deceive me . . . that they truly care about me. My heart will make excuses to try to quiet down the warnings my brain is sending.
I’m not being wise if I constantly override my need for safety just to keep the connection with someone going. And the reverse is also true. If I take my need for safety to such an extreme that I want to avoid all the risks of a relationship, then I will have very little connection with others.
God may sometimes call you to leave room for Him to move in a relationship where there are red flags.
Wise trust requires us to take an honest look at reality. While people sometimes lie with their words, the truth eventually emerges in their actions.
In other words, the Holy Spirit who indwells us will equip and lead us to discern between the wisdom of God and the foolish ways of the world. We aren’t to enable or excuse away behaviors that go against the wisdom of God. We are to be discerning.
This person wants people to perceive them in one way, but then they act in a completely different way. Their words don’t match how they actually live on a day-to-day basis.
“too much.” The stories they tell differ in truth and accuracy depending on the audience. Their behavior or mood changes drastically depending on their circumstance. They are easily enticed to act in unhealthy ways when things aren’t going well for them. Red Flag #3: Insincerity An insincere person will tell you something they think you want to hear, but they don’t actually mean it.
I whispered the only prayer I could: “Jesus, I love You, and You love me. That’s all I’ve got.”
If there is one thing that’s true about life after loss, it’s that it goes on. And as time goes on, some relationships will go on with us and some will not.
Some will not, because they walked away. Some will not, because we made a wise choice to let go. Some will fade away. As seasons of life change, so do some relationships.
The ties that bind us are incredibly strong until they are made fragile because of choices that sliced away at what should have been protected.
The greatest and most significant rip in all of creation is sin. Sin ripped the relationship between God and humanity. If it takes nine miles to get in and nine miles to get out, then in the same sense, this required God to become man in the incarnation to repair the rip of sin. It was mankind who caused the rip. So, as a result, God, through Jesus, was the only one who could repair the relationship and provide a way for deeper intimacy with Him (2 Corinthians 5:18–19).
I want this to be one of the statements you forever carry with you: trust takes time
plus believable behavior, along with consistency, so a solid track record can be established.
We are responsible to get the help we need so we don’t continue to turn our past hurts into unleashed hurt on the people we do life with.
And it’s not your job to fix them. To see real progress here, you cannot work harder on someone than they are willing to work on themselves.
“It’s normal to have big feelings around big trust violations. You’re okay and so am I.”
He has told us what it looks like when a person has real evidence of God’s Spirit working in them and through them. It’s the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–25 CSB). Look for the fruit in someone’s actions, and you won’t have to wade through their words. Anyone can say what you want to hear when rebuilding trust. But the truth comes out in their actions. If their actions are in alignment with the fruit of the Spirit, then most likely Jesus is guiding them. And if Jesus is guiding them, you can trust the good work of Jesus is occurring in them.
Friend, all those painful memories of broken trust and hurtful deceptions—half-truths, omitted truths, withheld truths, and straight-up lies—will sometimes make their way into your present-day thoughts. Those betrayals will always be part of your past. Remember, they are just a page or possibly a couple of chapters, but that pain is not your full story. You might have had some moments when you did sink, but now it’s your time to rise. Here’s to better moments and more beautiful memories just waiting to be made.
Without compassion, honesty, humility, and true repentance on the part of the offender, broken trust will most likely stay broken. Trust requires both parties to be willing to work through the process of rebuilding.
I think we, as Christian women, feel an enormous pressure to show our forgiveness is real by continuing to stay in this relationship no matter what. But God is not honored when you are being treated in dishonorable and deplorable ways.
Distrust in situations of continued broken trust is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of great strength.
Alone doesn’t just happen when there’s no one around. Sometimes alone means you’re carrying the weight of something hard by yourself. People around you are supportive. But they can’t truly understand the gravity of what it feels like to be you.
When I can’t understand what God is allowing or I feel confident He will do something and it doesn’t happen, doubts can easily turn into distrust.
I will have to trust God with what I cannot see. I will have to trust God with what I do not know. I will have to trust God with what I fear. I will have to trust God with what I want and, even more so, with what I do not want.
Another way to understand straight is that God is able to see into the future and to make sense of it. My understanding will never allow for this. So I must submit to Him the way I think things should go. And then trust Him enough to walk in His way.
If we stand firm on His goodness and know everything He allows is somehow flowing from that goodness, then we will have a lot less fear in trusting Him. Faith in God means to be assured of His goodness even when what He allows doesn’t feel good, seem good, or look good right now. Faith is our confidence in what we hope for. Faith is our assurance about what we do not see.
What if, instead of being so frustrated by what I don’t see, I let God’s Word be the lens through which I get to receive glimpses of His goodness that only those of us who suffer get to see?
Slowly, I have realized I cannot attach my hope to God making things feel fair. And I certainly can’t attach my hope to the outcomes I desperately want. I have to attach my hope to who God is. He is good. He is faithful. He is my Father who loves me.
God’s character, which never changes, is His personal promise to me. And to you. We can stand with assurance on who He is even when we don’t understand what He does or doesn’t do.
My brain is so tired from always trying to be one step ahead of the great unraveling I fear will happen if I don’t step in.
Remember: controlling others isn’t going to bring about the life we want. The illusion of control makes big promises but will never deliver. It won’t make us safer. It won’t prevent heartbreak from happening. It won’t make life less complicated. It won’t bring about what we are desperate for. And it won’t make our relationships stable enough for real trust to grow.
The woman who thrives in life isn’t the one who never has her heart broken. It’s the one who plants her brokenness in the rich soil of her faith in God and waits with anticipation to see what good thing God will grow next. Psalm 1:3 tells us, “That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither—whatever they do prospers.” Nothing we ever place in God’s hands will be returned without meaning. Don’t be scared by the storms that bust up your trust. Because you know what’s more powerful than destructive storms? The person who
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Friend, you are stronger than you know. You are wiser than you give yourself credit for. You are more alive today than ever before. Now, dare to trust again. Do it carefully, and give it wisely. But don’t put the pressure on yourself to do this trust thing perfectly. God will be right there with you. And, as we’ve learned together, no one is more powerful than God.
