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When other people intentionally wrong us and blatantly hurt us but never seem to suffer consequences for any of it, this apparent lack of fairness is what can resurrect the bitterness we thought we’d dealt with, and it can certainly increase distrust.
when people sin against us, they unleash into their lives the consequences of that sin. We may never see it. In fact, it may look like they just got away with everything. But today we can be reminded that eventually “they will eat the fruit of their ways and be filled with the fruit of their schemes” (Proverbs 1:31).
It’s hard to fully step into the future when the past won’t stay in the past. We must keep fighting to make sure our first words filled with anguish aren’t our last words filled with bitterness. I cannot attach my hope to God making things feel fair. And I certainly can’t attach my hope to the outcomes I desperately want. I have to attach my hope to who God is. The absence of justice isn’t evidence of the absence of God. Doing things God’s way and in God’s timing is the right way and the right timing.
“Life . . . it’s not what I expected.” Life sometimes works like a surprise party. Other times like a surprise attack. The only thing certain is that it will be filled with the unexpected.
When I think of someone who is controlling, I usually think of people engaging in the more overt and emotionally abusive tactics like threatening, isolating, blaming, humiliating, acting possessive, obsessively monitoring someone to extreme degrees, and taking away someone’s ability to choose for themselves. That’s not the type of control I’m talking about in this chapter. The type of control I’m referencing here is my desire to keep myself and those I love from experiencing hardships and heartbreaks.
However control plays out for you and whatever reasons there are that shaped you this way, please know that trying to keep things under control using realistic measures is a good quality. But if you and I are holding on so tightly that our stress levels and anxiety are making it challenging for others to be around us, or we are constantly on edge with burnout nipping at our emotions, we need to recognize this isn’t a sustainable way to live. In other words, if we clench our jaws throughout our days, it will be really hard to smile about and enjoy our lives. Where does this anxiety come from?
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As a result, I do mental gymnastics trying to control the play. If I do this, then of course she will do that, right? I better not say no, because if I do, it will just push her further away. I bet if I give this, then she will get back on track. If I promise this, then she will stop making that mistake. If we just do x, y, and z, then things will go so much better for all of us. If I can just gather enough proof to show them my perspective, then they will want to do what I’m suggesting. Surely he will see the same red flags I do if I help him become aware of his blind spots. Life will work
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