I Want to Trust You, but I Don't: Moving Forward When You’re Skeptical of Others, Afraid of What God Will Allow, and Doubtful of Your Own Discernment

by Lysa TerKeurst

So many times, my brain and my heart come into conflict, especially when it comes to relationships I very much want to continue. My brain will fire off a warning, but then my heart will try to override it because I want to believe this person I love wouldn’t deceive me . . . that they truly care about me. My heart will make excuses to try to quiet down the warnings my brain is sending. Maybe your heart is more skeptical, and you find it difficult to trust anyone. Each time your discernment fires, it’s just more confirmation to keep most relationships at arm’s length because there are very few people you trust. People think you are incredibly thick-skinned, unaffected by the actions and words of others, and intimidating or standoffish. The truth is, you are incredibly tender inside. Your actions are the result of making a vow to yourself for self-protection so others can’t even get close to wounding what feels so vulnerable inside you. However you are wired, when your brain is sending the signal that something is off or unsafe, you need a way to wisely examine reality. Part of using wisdom with your discernment is to avoid extremes. As we just discovered in the last chapter, both safety and connection are important in a relationship. And neither should be taken to such an extreme that it excludes the other.