Streams and Schemes

by Rebecca Kinkade

“Don’t touch her. If you put your hands on her one more time, I’ll rip them off and then sue you for getting blood on my suit. Am I fucking clear?”

I’m escaping this condo as fast as humanly possible, and if my shorts don’t want to join, they can stay here as Lander’s trophy for all I care.

I made a first-year associate circle every instance where he missed an oxford comma with a red Crayola marker in a forty-six-page draft of a contract.

HAHAHH!! Love an oxford comma

Women bleed every month and literally grow babies in our bodies. There’s no reason we can’t fight like Kodiak bears and fuck like Valkyries.

“You’re built like sin,”

My phone has been vibrating constantly like it’s in the process of switching careers from communications device to outright sex toy.